The Cat Came Back
by dodgerluvsrory
Summary: As Rory and Jess grow closer, someone plots against them. Luke and Lorelai try the dating scene, but their night is ruined by Lorelai's past. Lit/Java. R/R, Please! We now accept anonymous reviews, sorry about the mix up!
1. Insane Asylums

Title: The Cat Came Back  
Chapter 1: Insane Asylums  
  
Disclaimer: We own nothing. We're too poor to own Gilmore Girls, but too rich to be hobos (seeing as how we have a computer and all...).  
  
A/N: I'm Samantha  
And I'm Seehoo.  
And we're dodgerluvsrory! You know you love us! You especially love me, because I wrote your favorite stories, some of which include--  
Shut up, Samantha. No one wants to hear you talk.  
You're right. On with the story!  
My very first!  
*run away to hunt turkeys*  
  
  
  
(Open on town meeting. Luke is sitting next to Jess, who has his arm around Rory's shoulders, who's sitting next to Lorelai. Taylor is standing at the podium)   
  
Taylor: Now, does anyone have any new business? (Lorelai raises her hand) Yes, Lorelai?   
  
Lorelai: (stands up) Hi. I'm Lorelai, and I am a coffee-holic. (Luke snorts)   
  
Everyone: (led by Rory and then Jess) Hi, Lorelai.   
  
Lorelai: Hi, Dr. Nick! (only she and Rory laugh) It's from the Simpsons. (still nothing) Ugh. Live a little, people.   
  
Taylor: Lorelai, please sit down! We have important business to discuss, none of which include a dysfunctional yellow family and bazaar people.   
  
Lorelai: I'm sorry, are we not in Stars Hollow? The town that could give even Springfield a run for its money? (Rory pulls Lorelai down by her sleeve) Ow!   
  
Taylor: As I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted by the coffee-holic-- (glares at Lorelai)   
  
Jess: Oh, come on, Taylor!   
  
Taylor: And the hoodlum--It has come to my attention that the hygiene of a local business owner is quite poor.   
  
Lorelai: And just who would this evil plaque-man be?   
  
Taylor: Mr. No-decorations himself: Luke Danes.   
  
(various gasps are heard throughout the room; Lorelai, Rory, and Jess are trying not to laugh-they're not very successful)   
  
Luke: (stands up) Taylor, this is crazy!   
  
Taylor: No, Luke, according to a local, this is food poisoning.   
  
Luke: What?   
  
Taylor: Someone informed me that after eating one of your peanut-butter sandwiches, he spent the night spewing refuse into his mother's toilet.   
  
Most of the Females in the Group: Ewww!   
  
Luke: Kirk! (lunges toward him; Kirk runs behind a big guy)   
  
Kirk: Well, next time you wear lotion, make sure it's completely dry!   
  
Luke: I don't wear lotion!   
  
Lorelai: You should. Then you'd be silky smooth!   
  
Jess: (coughs) Dirty!   
  
Rory: (whispers) Okay, we need to keep you and my mother away from each other.   
  
Jess: (whispers) Yes, we do.   
  
Taylor: I agree with Kirk. Unless you allow the lotion a sufficient amount of time to dry, you should not be handling food. Or I can lend you some of my lotion; it dries fast and doesn't leave an oily residue.   
  
  
  
(Cut to after the meeting. Lorelai, Luke, Rory and Jess are walking out of the meeting.)   
  
Rory: Ugh, I will never be able to use lotion again.   
  
Lorelai: I will.   
  
Rory: After Taylor talking about how he uses lotion?   
  
Lorelai: Eww, no I won't.   
  
Luke: Can we stop talking about the stupid meeting, please?   
  
Lorelai: Aww, you're just mad because it was all about you.   
  
Luke: It was not all about me.   
  
Lorelai: Yes it was.   
  
Luke: No it wasn't.   
  
Lorelai: Yes it was.   
  
Luke: No it wasn't.   
  
Lorelai, Rory and Jess: Yes, it was.   
  
Luke: No it-- (sighs)fine, it was.   
  
Lorelai: Yay! I won!   
  
Jess: Don't worry, Luke. They'll have forgotten all about you by the next meeting.   
  
Luke: Why? Why will they forget about me, Jess?   
  
Jess: No reason.   
  
Luke: Jess? What are you planning?   
  
(Jess shrugs)   
  
Rory: Don't worry, Luke, I'll keep an eye on him.   
  
(they enter Luke's. Rory and Jess walk near the stairs and start kissing goodbye. Lorelai walks up to Luke at the counter and opens her mouth to say something.)   
  
Luke: I don't have any pie.   
  
Lorelai: (closes her mouth) I wasn't gonna ask. How about coffee? You got any of that? (Luke sighs) You know, if you keep doing that, you'll eventually run out of air.   
  
Luke: No, I won't.   
  
Lorelai: Yes, you will. It's a fact.   
  
Luke: That is not a fact.   
  
Lorelai: It is so. I read it.   
  
Luke: Where?   
  
Lorelai: I--uh--in a magazine.   
  
Luke: Which one? _Pathological Liars Weekly_?   
  
Lorelai: No. I don't get that one.   
  
Luke: That's what everyone who subscribes says.   
  
Lorelai: No, that's denial. Everyone who subscribes says they get a different magazine. Like _Pathological Liars Monthly_.   
  
Luke: You are so weird.   
  
Lorelai: And you love me for it.   
  
Luke: Never. Coffee. (hands her a cup)   
  
Lorelai: Yay! You know, to a Gilmore, this is a profession of love.   
  
Luke: Well, then, give it back.   
  
Lorelai: Nuh-uh. It's my coffee now, buster. (Rory walks over)   
  
Rory: Hey, you ready to go?   
  
Lorelai: Uh! No. I just got my coffee.   
  
Rory: Ooh, I want some!   
  
Luke: No.   
  
Rory: That is discriminatory. If you give some to one Gilmore, you gotta give it to all.   
  
Lorelai: That's my little future government leader-type...person.   
  
Luke: Do you really wanna grow up to be her?   
  
Rory: It's my dream.   
  
Luke: (sighs) Fine. Coffee. (hands her a cup)   
  
Rory: Hee-hee.   
  
Lorelai: Stop laughing and drink your coffee.   
  
  
  
(cut to later. Lorelai and Rory are walking out of Luke's)   
  
Rory: Well, that was fun.   
  
Lorelai: Yep, especially the town meeting.   
  
Rory: Yes, it's always fun to see Luke and Taylor yell.   
  
Lorelai: Don't forget Luke and Kirk!   
  
Rory: And Luke and Kirk.   
  
Lorelai: I also liked the coffee at the end of the night.   
  
Rory: Coffee's always your favorite part.   
  
Lorelai: And yours, too.   
  
Rory: I'm surprised you didn't bug Luke about doughnuts or danishes.   
  
Lorelai: Yeah, me too. (pulls two doughnuts wrapped in a napkin from her purse)   
  
Rory: Where did you get that?   
  
Lorelai: From Luke. I've been spending too much time with your boyfriend.   
  
Rory: You mean Luke didn't give them to you?   
  
Lorelai: Nope. I snuck 'em out.   
  
Rory: You stole them. I knew I should have kept a better eye on you.   
  
Lorelai: That's what you get for (sing-song) smoochin' with your boyfriend.   
  
Rory: Oh, no. (starts to walk away. Lorelai follows her)   
  
Lorelai: (singing) Smoochin' with your boyfriend, smoochin' with your boyfriend, la la la la la la, la la la la la la....   
  
  
  
(cut to the next day. Rory and Jess walk into the Stars Hollow Book Store, making a bee-line for the classics section.)   
  
Rory: Well, if there's one thing we can agree on, literature wise, it's J.D. Salinger.   
  
Jess: Yup. The fact that you don't like Hemmingway is your problem.   
  
Rory: Let's not start that again. It's just that he's so . . .   
  
Jess: Okay, Salinger right? Here's Catcher in the Rye. (Flips through the pages) Wow. Holden has got to watch his mouth sometimes, y'know? (Hands Rory the book)   
  
Rory: I never thought I'd hear you say that. (She also flips through the pages.) Did you know that people vandalised school property back then too? And with such colourful words!   
  
Jess: The whole book is full of colourful words; it adds to its character.   
  
(They each read books in silence, until Rory sighs.)   
  
Jess: What's the matter?   
  
Rory: Nothing. It's just that February's coming, and . . . there's just a lot of things to celebrate.   
  
Jess: Oh really? (Catching on) Like what? I thought Taylor postponed the Sweater Vest Fashion Show until March.   
  
Rory: Well, seeing as that was the highlight of the month, I'm a little disappointed. (Rory smiles.)   
  
Jess: There must be something happening . . . (Wraps his arms around Rory's waist.)   
  
Rory: Wait, isn't Valentine's somewhere in February? (Leans in.)   
  
Jess: I better check my calender. (Closes the small gap between them with a kiss.)   
  
(Meanwhile, Dean enters the store, in hopes of finding a book Rory suggested to him.)   
  
Dean: Let's see . . . Classics on the right, Sci-Fi to the left.   
  
(He starts fingering the book spines, when he hears murmuring on the other side of the shelf.)   
  
Rory: That somehow brought my memory back.   
  
Jess: My kisses do many things, but regaining memory is not one of them.   
  
(Dean clenches his fist.)   
  
Rory: Actually, I was thinking about another special day in February. Something more . . . personal?   
  
Jess: Maybe you should kiss me. That way, I just might remember.   
  
Rory: Or you could guess; that way, you earn your treat.   
  
Jess: Let's see . . . how long have we been going out? Thirty days has September, April, June, and November . . .   
  
Rory: If you're going to mock me, you might as well give up.   
  
Jess: No, no, I think I've got it. November, November . . . ah, that's right. Our kiss by the gas station was in November, wasn't it? So that would be . . . December, January, February . . . Wouldn't that be our three month anniversary?   
  
Rory: You get bonus points if you can tell me what day.   
  
Jess: Let me guess: The Fourteenth? The fourteenth of February. What a coincidence.   
  
Rory: Good job.   
  
Jess: But I have the feeling this isn't over yet.   
  
Rory: And it's not. I was thinking we could, uh, spend some time together on the fourteenth.   
  
Jess: Well, I don't know. I mean, I've got exams coming up, and I should study. I don't want my grades to fall.   
  
Rory: Jess.   
  
Jess: Rory, it's not like I'm going to miss out on our three month anniversary. Or miss out on spending time with you.   
  
Rory: How sweet. So, where should we go?   
  
Jess: I was thinking we could stay in . . .   
  
Rory: Excuse me, but do you want a parent chaperone on our anniversary?   
  
Jess: (sighs) Okay, what time should I pick you up?   
  
Rory: You're going to make the plans?   
  
Jess: Well, I want this to be a surprise. Although I don't know how much of a surprise it'll be . . .   
  
(Rory hugs Jess so hard, he almost falls over.)   
  
Rory: I can't believe you'd do this for me! I can't wait!   
  
Jess: Yeah, well, I . . .   
  
Rory: And I am late for my lunch with Mom. Come with me to the diner?   
  
Jess: I do live there.   
  
(As Rory and Jess leave the store hand in hand, Dean watches from the book shelf. In anger and rage, he hits the book case so hard, that books start to fall out. The other patrons watch him as he leaves the bookstore, seething.)   
  
  
  
(cut to Rory and Jess walking into the diner kissing.)   
  
Luke: Oh, hey you two! Cut it out! Some people are trying to eat here.   
  
Kirk: Actually, I like this little performance.   
  
Luke: Shut up Kirk. So, peanut butter sandwich?   
  
Kirk: If you want my mother cleaning up my vomit tonight, then yes, I'd love some.   
  
Luke: Coming right up. Hey Jess, give me a hand here?   
  
(Rory and Jess stop kissing, and Jess glares at Luke.)   
  
Jess (to Rory): I'll be right back. (He follows Luke into the kitchen.)   
  
Lorelai (to Rory): So this is why you were 10 minutes late? (Wags her eyebrows suggestively.)   
  
Rory: Actually, we were discussing our three month anniversary dinner.   
  
Lorelai: Really? Jess actually agreed to an anniversary dinner?   
  
Rory: He told me it was a surprise. (Smiles happily.) Which reminds me, can I borrow one of your dresses? I want everything to be perfect.   
  
Lorelai: Anything's better than the last time.(Rory stares at her blankly.) Remember? You and Dean broke up?   
  
Rory: Oh yeah. I wonder where's he's taking me . . .   
  
Lorelai: Well, if it's Italian, bring me home a meatball!   
  
Rory: Will do.   
  
Lorelai: Although I wouldn't be surprised if "dinner" isn't actually part of the date.   
  
Rory: What?   
  
(Lorelai starts kissing her hand.)   
  
Rory: Mom, please. We're in public. (Even as Rory says this, she blushes.)   
  
Lorelai: Ah! My baby's deeply in love with the resident rebel without a cause.   
  
Rory: Mom!   
  
Lorelai: Sorry, sorry. Deeply in "like".   
  
(Jess comes back after making Kirk's sandwich. Kirk wouldn't allow Luke to do it.)   
  
Jess: Hey.   
  
Rory: Hi.   
  
Jess: So . . . can you, uh . . .   
  
Lorelai: Oh, yeah, she can go. Even though the whole point of this meeting was to eat lunch, I'm sure Rory wasn't hungry anyway.   
  
Rory: Thanks mom. I'll see you at home.   
  
(Rory and Jess walk out of the diner, while Lorelai watches.)   
  
Luke: They're leaving again? I thought we were going to watch them wherever they go!   
  
Lorelai: No, Lukey dear. YOU were going to watch them wherever they go. And so far, you haven't been doing a very good job. I mean, we don't know if Rory really leaves for Chilton on the bus. She could be skipping school to hang out with Jess at the nearest rave, or something just as illegal.   
  
Luke: Coffee?   
  
Lorelai: And soon they'll be having their three month anniversary dinner with no chaperones . . . think of the possibilities.   
  
Luke: (sighs) Coffee?   
  
Lorelai: Ah! Their anniversary had to be on Valentine's. Now I'll be alone. On Valentine's. Only loners are alone on Valentine's.   
  
Luke: I'll be alone on Valentine's, are you calling me a loner?   
  
Lorelai: With a backwards baseball cap and flannel shirt. (Lorelai hides her head in her hands.)   
  
Luke: Ah geez.   
  
Lorelai: I want to go somewhere.   
  
Luke: Insane asylum?   
  
Lorelai: Dinner.   
  
Luke: At an insane asylum?   
  
Lorelai: With someone.   
  
Luke: A crazy person?   
  
Lorelai: Stop with the insane asylum references. I was thinking about going out to dinner with a fellow loner?   
  
Luke: What?   
  
Lorelai: Except if we go together, we won't be loners anymore!   
  
Luke: Oh joy.   
  
Lorelai: So that's a yes?   
  
Luke: No, that's sarcasm.   
  
Lorelai: Please, Luke? What else are you going to do on Valentine's? Watch "I Dream of Jeanie" re-runs on your baby T.V.?   
  
Luke: Actually, I'd have the larger one since Jess will be gone.   
  
Lorelai: Luke! Come on! It'll be fun! I promise. And if it isn't, I'll, uh, I'll . . .   
  
Luke: Give up coffee?   
  
Lorelai: For a week.   
  
Luke: Three.   
  
Lorelai: Two.   
  
Luke: Fine. I will go with you to dinner. But if it turns out to be bad, you must give up coffee for . . . (Signals for Lorelai to answer.)   
  
Lorelai: One day.   
  
Luke: All right, I wil--Hey!   
  
Lorelai: Bye Luke! Pick me up at 7:00 sharp! Actually, no, better make that 8:00. I'll need time to find my shoes.   
  
  
  
(cut to Jess and Rory sitting on the bridge on Valentine's Day. Jess has his arm around Rory's shoulders, and she has her arm around his waist, and they're both reading different books. Suddenly Rory puts her book away and looks at Jess. He keeps reading.)   
  
Rory: Jess--   
  
(Jess holds up one finger and finishes reading the page. He looks like he's gonna stop, but he turns the page)   
  
Rory: Jess!   
  
(He holds up another finger. She pulls the book away from him and it flies into the water)   
  
Rory: Oh my God, I'm so sorry.   
  
Jess: (shrugs) S'okay. It wasn't mine. (smiles innocently at Rory) It was yours.   
  
Rory: Uh! Which one?   
  
Jess: 1984.   
  
Rory: Oh, that's all right. I didn't like that one that much. (stares at the book)   
  
Jess: (laughs) Don't worry, I have two copies. You can have one.   
  
Rory: Thanks.   
  
Jess: So, what was so important you had to throw poor George over there into the water?   
  
Rory: I wanna know what we're doing tonight.   
  
Jess: Nope, sorry. Classified information.   
  
Rory: Oh, come on, please?   
  
Jess: No, it's a secret.   
  
Rory: Boyfriends shouldn't keep secrets from their girlfriends.   
  
Jess: It's a surprise.   
  
Rory: Tell me!   
  
Jess: If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise now, would it?   
  
Rory: But, I need to know where we're going so I can figure out what to wear. I don't want to clash with the decor.   
  
Jess: Just dress like a knockout. It'll be hard, I know, but if you work at it, you can be _Made_.   
  
Rory: Been watching MTV to learn how to insult me?   
  
Jess: Anything to get you to make that face.   
  
Rory: What face?   
  
Jess: The one you make right after I insult you and then kiss you.   
  
Rory: I make a face?   
  
Jess: Always.   
  
Rory: Do I really make a face or is it like the blink-y thing when I lie?   
  
Jess: Yes, you really make a face, and yes, you really _do_ do a blink-y thing when you lie.   
  
Rory: I do not!   
  
Jess: Yes, you do. Tell me a lie.   
  
Rory: My mother adores you.   
  
Jess: See? Right there. (points at her face)   
  
Rory: I do not.   
  
Jess: Yes, you do. You really do.   
  
Rory: I refuse to believe that I-- (Jess leans in and kisses her. They part and she gets this really happy/surprised look on her face) I do, huh?   
  
  
  
(cut to Rory walking up the stairs of the Gilmore house. Lorelai pulls open the door seconds before Rory can)   
  
Lorelai: So? What'd he say what'd he say what'd he say?   
  
Rory: He wouldn't tell me.   
  
Lorelai: Still? He's a mean little-   
  
Rory: Mom!   
  
Lorelai: I wasn't gonna say anything. (holds up her hands in defense)   
  
Rory: Oh, you so were. (starts into the house. Lorelai follows after her.)   
  
Lorelai: Me, say something mean about Jess? Never.   
  
Rory: (spins around and points a finger directly in Lorelai's face) Ha!   
  
Lorelai: Ahh! What? What? What'd I do?   
  
Rory: You lied.   
  
Lorelai: (realizing) No, sweetie, I don't do the blink-y thing when I lie, you do.   
Rory: I do not. And you just admitted you lied, so I won. (goes into her room)   
  
Lorelai: Damn. So close.   
  
  
  
(cut to later. Lorelai is sitting on the couch, watching TV. Rory runs out of her room.)   
  
Rory: Mom! (runs upstairs)   
  
Lorelai: Rory? (gets off the couch and walks upstairs into her room. Rory is in the closet and clothes are flying) Rory, sweetie, not to be mean, but what the hell are you doing?   
  
Rory: (comes out of Lorelai's closet)I don't have anything to wear!   
  
Lorelai: That's cause this is _my_ closet. _Your_ clothes are downstairs. In your _room_.   
  
Rory: I know that. But I don't have anything to wear!   
  
Lorelai: I don't believe that, but I have seen your closet, so...(walks into her closet. Rory sits on the bed and puts her head in her hands. Lorelai emerges with a short red dress) Voila!   
  
Rory: Wow.   
  
Lorelai: I know. And you can wear those great red shoes of yours, that silver heart necklace, and the white tights with the red hearts.   
  
Rory: Mom!   
  
Lorelai: Okay, nix the tights. But the rest of it'll work.   
  
Rory: Okay. Thanks. (takes the dress from Lorelai and heads to her room to change. Lorelai walks back into her closet and pulls out a nice shirt and skirt, like something she would wear for a dinner with the grandparents'. She holds them up to her body and looks in her mirror. She smiles.)   
  
(the scene freezes and goes black and white. Kirk walks on to the theme from the twilight zone)   
  
Kirk: Will Jess and Rory have a good time? What is Jess' surprise, anyway? Will Luke and Lorelai have fun at their dinner? Is it really just dinner, or is it a date? And just what, exactly, is Dean so angry about? I mean, really, what crawled up his ass and died? The answer to all these questions and many more questions that might just not get answered, the next time on _The Gilmore Zone_. (Luke walks on and hands Kirk a piece of paper. Kirk reads it.) Oh, sorry, _The Outer Limits of the Gilmore Zone_. (Luke nods and walks off) Geek. (Kirk shakes his head and walks off in the opposite direction.) 


	2. Conversations in Condensation

Title: The Cat Came Back  
Chapter 2: Confrontations in Condensation  
  
Disclaimer:We own nothing. We're too poor to own Gilmore Girls, but too rich to be hobos (seeing as how we have a computer and all)  
  
A/N: Weeeeeeeeeeeee're back!!!!!!!  
And we're better than ever, don't you think, Seehoo?  
Oh, absolutely, Samantha!  
We're picking up pretty much where we left off.  
Sorry it's been so long.  
Our hobo turkeys were sick.  
Boy, was that disgusting!  
Mm, I agree. Anyway, story!  
Story!  
*together* Story! Story! Story! Story! Story! Yay!!! *jump up and down and Samantha trips over nothing in particular and falls down*  
Oh, what happened?  
Stupd Zoo-Zoo! *kicks the air*  
Uh, you read, I'll take her to the hospital for ailments relating to tripping over invisible flying monkeys.  
Stupid monkeys!  
~~~~  
Lorelai: (opens door to Jess standing on the porch in a suit and holding a bouquet of flowers) You're early!   
  
Jess: I thought I should have waited a few more minutes.   
  
Lorelai: Whatever. Just get in the house. (stands aside and he walks in and she closes the door) Is that a suit?   
  
Jess: No tie.   
  
Lorelai: It's still a suit.   
  
Jess: Yeah. So?   
  
Lorelai: Nothing. It's just...that's a suit.   
  
Jess: Yeah.   
  
Lorelai: You're wearing a suit?   
  
Jess: One of the places we're going is fancy.   
  
Lorelai: Oh, _one_?   
  
Jess: Yeah, one.   
  
Lorelai: Okay. Just as long as you don't take her to the junk yard.   
  
Jess: To salvage her?   
  
Lorelai: What?   
  
Jess: Don't worry, I'm not gonna take her to the junk yard. What kind of lame ass anniversary date is that?   
  
Lorelai: Dean's.   
  
Jess: 'Nuff said. You know, Bagboy and I have little in common.   
  
Lorelai: Yeah, I sould have figured.   
  
Jess: Yeah. So...where is she?   
  
Lorelai: I dunno. Let me see. (runs upstairs. Jess kinda walks around the living room, then someone clears her throat behind him and he turns and sees Rory. She's dressed in the red dress, she's got great red shoes, and she just looks wonderful)   
  
Jess: Wow...you look....wow....   
  
Rory: You're wearing a suit.   
  
Jess: Oh. Yeah. I am.   
  
Rory: (points to the flowers) Are those for me?   
  
Jess: Oh. Yeah. They are. (hands them to her)   
  
Rory: So...are we going to go?   
  
Jess: Oh. Yeah. Let's go. (they start to walk out the door, but Lorelai grabs Rory and whispers to her)   
  
Lorelai: You've dumbfounded him with your beauty. Go for his wallet and keys later. Maybe we can sell them all and become fantastically rich!   
  
Rory: Have you seen his car?   
  
Lorelai: Oh. Yeah. Mm, try anyway. Have fun. Be home by one! (waves)   
  
(Rory waves back and then she and Jess enter his car and start to drive out of the driveway. They are so preoccupied in each other's appearance that they don't notice a tall, dark shadow behind the bushes. Once they're down the road, the figure hops into his car and starts to follow behind them. Cut to them in the car, driving down the road)   
  
Rory and Jess: So . . . (they both laugh)   
  
Jess: You look very, uh, nice.   
  
Rory: Thanks. You look . . .   
  
Jess: It's not Luke's.   
  
Rory: No, the suit's great.   
  
Rory: We've got to be going somewhere special if we have to dress up like this.   
  
Jess: Actually, I was thinking we could hit McDonald's and . . .   
  
Rory: Jess!   
  
Jess: Don't worry. We're going someplace special.   
  
Rory: (eagerly) Where?   
  
Jess: Oh, just somewhere. (shot of the car turning down a road with a sign that says New York: 140 miles)   
  
(cut to Lorelai locking the door of the Gilmore home. She's wearing a nice dress and if we didn't know better, we'd think she was going to the grandparent's for dinner. But she's not. But it's Friday, so we never know. Let's watch and see! Okay, sorry, so anyway, she locks the door of the house and walks down the steps. We watch her walking past the Gilmore mailbox and then we catch her walking into Luke's. Luke isn't there.)   
  
Lorelai: Luke?   
  
Kirk: He's upstairs.   
  
Lorelai: Thanks, Kirk. (starts to head upstairs)   
  
Kirk: Hey, when you see him, tell him I'm bored.   
  
Lorelai: Sure. (turns around and makes it up the steps this time. cut to her peeking in the apartment door) Lukey? (not seeing him, she opens the door and completely steps in)You know, only the woman's supposed to be fashionably late, and I've already got that nailed. (there's still no sign that Luke's in the apartment or alive) I was good today, though. It's only eight-fifteen. (still no answer, so Lorelai sighs and sits down on the couch to wait.)   
  
(cut to Rory and Jess in the car.)   
  
Rory: So, where are we going?   
  
Jess: Surprise.   
  
Rory: (whispers) Right. (there's a long pause, and then she turns back to Jess.) Where are we going?   
  
Jess: Yeah, it's still a surprise. Just like it was two, four, six, eight, and ten minutes ago.   
  
Rory: Sorry. It's just too quiet.   
  
Jess: You wanna talk?   
  
Rory: Sure. What about?   
  
Jess: Dunno. (Rory sighs and there's another long pause. After a while, Jess looks over and notices that Rory looks really bored.) Hey.   
  
Rory: (startled) Whoa, what?   
  
Jess: Open the glove compartment.   
  
Rory: Why? And don't say it's a surprise.   
  
Jess: Just open it.   
  
Rory: Fine. (opens the glove compartment and about three tapes fall onto the floor near her feet. There are many more jammed in there.) Ahh! That's a lot of tapes.   
  
Jess: Yeah, well, no CD player.   
  
Rory: Okay. So now what?   
  
Jess: If you dig around in there, there's one for you.   
  
Rory: For me? (Jess nods) Yay! (she digs around and then pulls out a cassette tape wrapped in shiny red paper with 'FOR RORY' written in big, bold letters on both sides) So, did you just have this paper laying around?   
  
Jess: No, actually, I dug it out of my shiny wrapping paper closet.   
  
Rory: _So_ sorry I asked.   
  
Jess: Thought you might be. Put it in.   
  
Rory: It's all wrapped up.   
  
Jess: Okay, unwrap it and put it in.   
  
Rory: Oh, but it's the most beautiful wrapping job I've ever seen, a little bow and everything!   
  
Jess: It doesn't have a bow.   
  
Rory: Well, it should. Just for future reference.   
  
Jess: If the teasing doesn't stop, I won't need a future reference.   
  
Rory: Unwrapping now. (she rips the paper off and lets it drop to the floor as she examines the tape. There's absolutely nothing written on it.) What's it got on it?   
  
Jess: If you play it, you might be able to see.   
  
Rory: Ooh, good idea. (takes the tape out of the plastic box thing and sticks it in the tape player. 'I Found Love' by the Free Design starts playing) Ooh, the Free Design! I love them!   
  
Jess: I know.   
  
Tape: I found love (didn't even know I needed it) But I found love (never even crossed my mind) I found love (had a garden never weeded it) But I found love (took an apple just in time) I found love, in the fall, and it did not hurt at all, I found sunlight and flowers, soft summer showers....   
  
(cut to Lorelai sitting on the couch in Luke's apartment. She's dozing as her cell phone rings. She jerks awake and answers.)   
  
Lorelai: Hello?   
  
Luke: Where the hell are you?   
  
Lorelai: Luke?   
  
(cut to Luke on the phone in Babette's house. There's a gnome on the phone table that's staring at him and he's stares back every once in a while. We start cutting between each person as they speak.)   
  
Luke: Yeah. I've been sitting on your porch for twenty minutes.   
  
Lorelai: What?   
  
Luke: (slowly and distinctly) I've been sitting on your porch for twenty minutes. What, you can't hear me on that damn phone of yours?   
  
Lorelai: No, I can hear you. You've been sitting on my porch for twenty minutes?   
  
Luke: Yeah. And I noticed your chuppah's looking a little worse for the wear. I'll come out here tomorrow and fix it for you.   
  
Lorelai: Uh...thanks?   
  
Luke: Oh, it's nothing. I don't really have a life, so it's my pleasure.   
  
Lorelai: You're at my house?   
  
Luke: No, actually right now I'm in Babette's house.   
  
Lorelai: Right, cause you're calling me and you certainly don't have a cell phone.   
  
Luke: They cause cancer, you know.   
  
Lorelai: Yeah, I can feel the cells in my ear mutating as we speak.   
  
Luke: Where are you?   
  
Lorelai: In your apartment.   
  
Luke: What? Why?   
  
Lorelai: That's where Kirk said you'd be?   
  
Luke: Is Kirk still downstairs?   
  
Lorelai: Well, he was fifteen minutes ago.   
  
Luke: (sighs) Okay, well, lock the apartment for me, kick Kirk out of the diner, grab yourself a cup of coffee, and I'll be right there.   
  
Lorelai: The world is coming to an end!   
  
Luke: What?   
  
Lorelai: You just said I could have coffee.   
  
Luke: We're late for dinner and I don't want you to bug me. That's why you can have coffee.   
  
Lorelai: Yeah, but still.   
  
Luke: Just lock up the apartment and get downstairs.   
  
Lorelai: Okay. You've got your key, right?   
  
Luke: Of course I've got my key.   
  
Lorelai: Okay, don't get testy. It's a valid question.   
  
Luke: Just lock up the apartment and get downstairs!   
  
Lorelai: Geez, so hostile.   
  
Luke: (sighs) I'll see you in a few minutes, Lorelai.   
  
Lorelai: Bye, Lukey!   
  
Luke: Don't--! (we hear a dial tone, since Lorelai hung up. Luke sighs and then thinks for a second. Suddenly he realizes something and searches frantically for his keys. Alas, he is keyless.) Damn! I hate when she's right. (starts to walk down the stairs.)   
  
(cut to Rory and Jess in the car. 'O'oh' by Yoko Ono is playing.)   
  
Rory: How'd you choose these songs?   
  
Jess: I spent over a year with you.   
  
Rory: The world's coming to an end!   
  
Jess: What?   
  
Rory: Jess, resident rebel without a cause, just muttered words that could be construed as mushy!   
  
Jess: Well, maybe we just shouldn't construe them as mushy.   
  
Rory: Oh, but I wanna construe them as mushy. I think they _are_ mushy!   
  
Jess: They're not mushy! I just spent over a year with you and got to know your tastes.   
  
Rory: I notice not one of these songs has been a rocking death-rules-love-sucks song.   
  
Jess: That's because all of my death-rules-love-sucks songs are disguised with nice, poppy beats. ('I'm the man who murdered love' by XTC starts playing)   
  
Tape: I'm the man who murdered love. Yeah! Whaddya think to that? I'm the man who murdered love. Yeah! Whaddya think to that?   
  
Rory: I see. You know, I love this song.   
  
Jess: I know.   
  
Rory: You know an awful lot.   
  
Jess: Yep. I'm Mr. Know It All.   
  
Rory: Ah, so that's why you have that 'know-it-all' attitude.   
  
Jess: That's where the name came from. (Rory stares at him for a second, and then suddenly leans over and kisses him on the cheek) What was that for?   
  
Rory: For spending over a year with me and getting to know my tastes.   
  
Jess: Well. It was my pleasure. Oh, we're here.   
  
(Rory and Jess enter a fancy restaurant. It's small, yet cozy and elegant. When they walk through the door, soft jazz is playing in the background and the tables have bowl-sized coffee mugs; Rory loves it already.)   
  
Rory: Jess! This is beautiful! I love it!   
  
Jess:(Looks sideways at Rory) I love it too.   
  
Waitress: Name, please?   
  
Jess: Uh, Mariano.   
  
Waitress: This way.   
  
(The waitress seats them at a small table next to a wide window. Rain starts to drizzle outside, trailing droplets along the window.)   
  
Rory: Jess, I can't believe you drove me to New York!   
  
Jess: We're going to be driving back soon if they continue with the jazz.   
  
Rory: I like it. You'll like it too, you'll see.   
  
Waitress: Anything to drink?   
  
Jess: Just water.   
  
Rory: Coffee please.   
  
(The waitress leaves. They sit in silence, but then Jess slowly takes Rory's hand in his. They smile at each other.)   
  
(Luke drives to the diner, only to find Lorelai standing outside eating a danish.)   
  
Luke: I said, coffee, you could have coffee. Why the hell are you eating when we're going out?   
  
Lorelai: Well I'm not the one who is now (looks at her watch) thirty-five minutes late. (looks at Luke's apparel; he's not wearing a hat!) My, my, my Lukey boy, I didn't know you owned clothes that had to be taken to the dry cleaner's. You didn't dig up your dead uncle and steal his tux, did you?   
  
Luke: Can we go now? Please?   
  
Lorelai: I'm not getting any younger.   
  
(Luke watches her step into his truck; he likes what she's wearing too.)   
  
(cut to Rory and Jess. They ate their main course talking about books and such, but hardly ever took their eyes off each other.)   
  
Jess: Small portions and weird sauces.   
  
Rory: But still good.   
  
Jess: Dessert?   
  
Rory: Of course!   
  
(The waitress brings over a plate of pie and ice cream and 2 spoons.)   
  
Rory: This is really good.   
  
Jess: I can tell by the vanilla on your face.   
  
Rory: Wha...   
  
(Jess interrupts by kissing her on the lips. They continue until each of them are out of air; which is a long time.)   
  
Jess: Jazz isn't too bad.   
  
Rory: See?   
  
(They begin to kiss again.)   
  
(Luke and Lorelai are in the truck. Lorelai's phone rings)   
  
Luke: Don't. I mean it, don't.   
  
Lorelai: What, are you going to pull out a no cell phone sign?   
  
(Luke points to a miniature replica of the 'no cell phone' sign that hangs in his diner.)   
  
Lorelai: You're so weird. (answers the phone) Hello?   
  
Emily: Where the hell are you?   
  
Lorelai: Whoa! Deja vu.   
  
Emily: What?   
  
Lorelai: Just--never mind. So, Mom...hi.   
  
Emily: Have you forgotten what today is?   
  
Lorelai: Oh, no, of course not.   
  
Emily: What is today, Lorelai?   
  
Lorelai: Today's Valentine's Day. Febuary fourteenth.   
  
Emily: No, I mean, what day of the week is it?   
  
Lorelai: It's Fri--oh, no.   
  
Emily: Oh, yes. Now, where are you? You were supposed to be here over an hour and a half ago.   
  
Lorelai: Well, Mom, it's Valentine's Day.   
  
Emily: Yes, I know, but these weekly dinners are a big part of our lives. Your father and I look forward to seeing you and Rory.   
  
Lorelai: Oh, well, Rory definitely will not make it.   
  
Emily: Why not?   
  
Lorelai: Oh, she's on a date. With her boyfriend.   
  
Emily: The horrible boy who broke her arm?   
  
Lorelai: Yeah. She really likes that horrible boy who broke her arm.   
  
Luke: Talking 'bout Rory and Jess?   
  
Lorelai: Shh! I'm on the phone! (into the phone) So she won't be there. It'll just be me.   
  
Emily: Oh. Well, I guess that'll be alright too.   
  
Lorelai: Don't sound so esctatic, Mom.   
  
Emily: I don't sound--   
  
Lorelai: I was just being sarcastic. Sorry.   
  
Emily: Oh. So are you on your way?   
  
Lorelai: (sighs) Yeah, sure, I am on my way.   
  
Emily: Good. I'll see you in twenty minutes?   
  
Lorelai: (sighs) Of course.   
  
Emily: Stop sighing. It doesn't sound very lady-like.   
  
Lorelai: Okay, thanks Mom. See you in twenty minutes.   
  
Emily: Wonderful. Goodbye.   
  
Lorelai: Bye. (sighs and hangs up the phone) I have to go see my mother! (groans)   
  
Luke: So that's where you have to be in twenty minutes?   
  
Lorelai: Yeah. Oh, it's gonna suck! Hey, can you turn right up there? (points)   
  
Luke: Sure. Why's it gonna suck?   
  
Lorelai: What?   
  
Luke: Why's whatever you're doing tonight going to suck?   
  
Lorelai: Because it'll just be me and my parents. All alone. Just the three of us. Rory was always my barrier.   
  
Luke: I'll be your barrier.   
  
Lorelai: What? Turn left.   
  
Luke: I'll be your barrier.   
  
Lorelai: You will? You actually want to voluntarily go with me to spend the evening with my parents. Rory-less.   
  
Luke: Yeah. I guess that's what I'm saying. So, do you want me to be your barrier?   
  
Lorelai: God, yes! Thank you! (throws her arm around his neck and kisses him on the cheek) Oh. Oh! (sits back in her own seat) I'm sorry.   
  
Luke: No...it's okay.   
  
Lorelai: Really?   
  
Luke: Yeah.   
  
Lorelai: Well...okay then. Turn left.   
  
(Cut to Rory and Jess. They were finished eating, so Jess paid the bill. Rory watched the heavily pouring rain outside.)   
  
Rory: Smart me, huh? I forgot to bring a jacket, and now it looks as if we'll need an arc to get home.   
  
Jess: Oh yeah, Ivy League college material here. (He slips off his jacket and places it on Rory's shoulders. He wraps his arms around her waist, and kisses her neck as he talks.) I like it when you forget.   
  
(They run to his car, and when they get inside, Rory starts laughing.)   
  
Jess: What's so funny?   
  
Rory: Nothing, it's just, where's my rebellious bad-boy?   
  
Jess: What?   
  
Rory: You gave me your jacket to keep me warm, and I half expected to look down and see a letterman jacket. So not you.   
  
Jess:(seriously) I'm different when I'm with you.   
  
(They both stare at each other, but Jess quickly looks down.)   
  
Jess: I still have something else planned.   
  
Rory: I can't wait to see it. (She gives him another kiss.) Major Brownie points, by the way.   
  
(cut to Luke and Lorelai standing in front of the Gilmore household)   
  
Lorelai: Well, this is it.   
  
Luke: Yep.   
  
Lorelai: I'm ringing the doorbell.   
  
Luke: Okay.   
  
Lorelai: Too late to back out.   
  
Luke: Just ring the damn doorbell!   
  
Lorelai: Ah, fine! (rings the doorbell. Emily answers)   
  
Emily: Ah, Lore--Who's this?   
  
Lorelai: Hey, Mom. This is Luke.   
  
Luke: Nice to see you again, Mrs. Gilmore.   
  
Emily: Luke? The diner man?   
  
Luke: Uh, yeah, I have a diner, so I guess you could call me a diner man.   
  
Lorelai: But don't.   
  
Emily: Why not?   
  
Lorelai: Oh, never mind. We're late for dinner, and I'm starved. Come on, let's go inside. (tries to pull Luke inside, but he won't move and neither will Emily)   
  
Emily: Lorelai, why is the diner man here?   
  
Lorelai: Because he was there when I got your call, okay?   
  
Emily: What were you doing when you got my call?   
  
Lorelai: We were heading for dinner. And I'm starved, so let's go!   
  
Luke: How can you be hungry? You had a danish half-an-hour ago.   
  
Lorelai: Well, I eat lots and often, so I'm hungry. Practically ravenous.   
  
Emily: Why were you and the diner man going out to dinner on Valentine's Day?   
  
Luke: She was going to be alone.   
  
Emily: You were lonely, Lorelai?   
  
Lorelai: Boy, you know, I haven't seen Dad in forever. He's home this week, isn't he?   
  
Luke: Yes, she was lonely. Rory went out with Jess. It's their three-month anniversary.   
  
Emily: Yes, but why did Lorelai go out to dinner with you?   
  
Luke: I was there when Rory and Jess decided to do something. I was also gonna be all by myself tonight.   
  
Emily: Why?   
  
Luke: Jess is my nephew.   
  
Emily: That horrible boy who broke my granddaughter's arm is the diner man's nephew?   
  
Lorelai: Hey, enough catching up. Dinner! Let's go!   
  
Emily: He's your nephew?   
  
Lorelai: Dad! Help!   
  
(Cut to Rory and Jess. They'd been driving for almost an hour and 40 minutes, and Rory fell asleep. Jess didn't mind though; he wanted this to be a surprise.)   
  
Jess: Rory, we're here.   
  
Rory: (still asleep) Shut up, Paris. Unlike you, I sleep; something we humans do.   
  
Jess: Fine, be that way. (He carries her out of the car and is still holding her when she fully wakes up. It has stopped raining.)   
  
Rory: I'm glad it's you- if it were Paris, this would be freaky.   
  
Jess: Yeah, well, my arms are hurting here.   
  
(Rory jumps out of his arms and looks around.)   
  
Rory: Where are we?   
  
Jess: If you look at the sign...(He points to a large block with the words,"YALE UNIVERSITY")   
  
Rory: We're at Yale?   
  
Jess: Yeah, well, I know you were having trouble with colleges and stuff, so I brought you here to, I dunno, look around. I know you've already seen it with your grandparents, but Harvard's in Boston, and if I brought you home after 1:00 am, I have a feeling your mom would behead me on the spot, and since that isn't a pretty picture...it was a stupid idea.   
  
Rory: No, it's perfect. (She gives him a smile that melts his heart.) So, what did you have in mind?   
  
Jess: Follow me.   
  
(He brings her to an enormous tree in the middle of an enourmous, yet secluded lawn. They sit down on his jacket.)   
  
Rory: I swear, by the time the evening's done, not even Tide will be able to get these stains out. And it's such a nice jacket too. (Jess smirks.)   
  
(They cuddle up together, enjoying each other's silence, until Rory sighs.)   
  
Jess: What's the matter?   
  
Rory: I've been wondering if I could tell you something?   
  
Jess: Shoot.   
  
Rory: (slowly) Well, I don't think I want to go to Harvard anymore.   
  
Jess: Wow.   
  
Rory: I know, it's my dream, and I've never told anyone about this yet, but, it just doesn't feel...right.   
  
Jess: What do you want to do then?   
  
Rory: I want to go here. To Yale.   
  
Jess: So you enjoyed the date that much, huh?   
  
Rory: No--yes--I mean, it just makes more sense. I could live at home, and be near Mom...and you.   
  
Jess: So we're not breaking up after graduation? You're not leaving me for some Poindexter with glasses?   
  
(Rory answers him by pulling him towards her by the neck. The kiss is long and passionate.)   
  
Rory: What can I say? I like 'em bad.   
  
(They lean in for another round of kissing, but are interrupted by a voice.)   
  
Dean: Is that why you broke up with me? Because I wasn't bad enough?   
  
Rory: Dean, what are you doing here?! And why are you soaking wet?   
  
Dean: I was just making sure this jackass didn't touch you.   
  
Jess: What?   
  
Dean: You heard me. I followed you guys to that crappy restaurant in New York. The one that doesn't allow anyone without a reservation to enter? So I stayed outside, in the rain, waiting for you two to finish devouring each other's faces.   
  
Rory: You were spying on us?   
  
Dean: I was making sure he didn't try anything on my girl.   
  
Rory: First of all, what the hell is wrong with you? And second, I'm not your girl.   
  
Dean: You should be.   
  
Jess: Get out of here Dean.   
  
Dean: Or what? You're going to beat me? Yeah right.   
  
Rory: Dean, just go.   
  
Dean: No.   
  
Jess: Fine, then we'll leave.   
  
(Rory gets up with Jess.)   
  
Dean: Oh, so now you're following his every command? And you thought I was controlling!   
  
Rory: You _are_ controlling. Even after we broke up, you still insist on ruling my life. Just stay out of it, Dean!   
  
Jess: Come on, Rory.   
  
(They leave hand in hand, Jess only turning around once to glare at Dean.)   
  
Dean: (under his breath) This isn't over.   
  
(cut to Luke, Lorelai, Richard and Emily sitting around the elder Gilmores' dining room table)   
  
Richard: So, how long have you and Lorelai been going out?   
  
Lorelai: Dad!   
  
Emily: I told you, Richard, they're not going out.   
  
Richard: Oh. I just assumed.   
  
Lorelai: Yes, well, Dad, when you assume, you make an ass of you and me.   
  
Emily: Lorelai!   
  
Lorelai: (jokingly apologetic) It's true.   
  
Richard: Yes, well, I'm sorry for assuming. Why were you going for dinner together on Valentine's Day?   
  
Lorelai: Valentine's Day is not always about couples, Dad.   
  
Emily: Yes, and Rory's horrible boyfriend is the diner man's nephew.   
  
Richard: It's not nice to call him horrible.   
  
Lorelai: Yeah, Mom, Rory likes him and that's what matters.   
  
Luke: Besides, he's not as horrible as he used to be. I think Stars Hollow's slowing him down.   
  
Emily: Ah, and the silent diner man speaks! Please, tell us more.   
  
Luke: Uh, well...   
  
Lorelai: Mom, leave Luke alone.   
  
Emily: Oh, and why should I leave Luke alone? It's not like he's your boyfriend or anything.   
  
Lorelai: No, but he's my friend, and I don't like you treating my friends like this! If he was my boyfriend, I probably wouldn't mind. I've been out with some doozies.   
  
Richard: Yes, we know.   
  
Emily: I'm sorry, Lorelai, I didn't realize you felt so strongly about your "friend." (uses air quotes)   
  
Lorelai: Did you just use air quotes?   
  
Emily: What?   
  
Lorelai: Never mind.   
  
Richard: So, Luke, what do you do?   
  
Luke: I own a diner.   
  
Richard: Oh, so that's why you were calling him the diner man.   
  
Emily: Yes, Richard, that was.   
  
Richard: Ohhhhhh.   
  
Emily: Oh, Richard, seriously!   
  
Richard: Well, I thought it was like that time you called Lorelai's friend "the ice man" for over a month.   
  
(Lorelai sighs, stands up, throws her napkin on her chair, and walks out of the room. Only Luke notices)   
  
Luke: Uh, excuse me--   
  
Emily: I called him that because he brought ice to Lorelai's party. My nicknames make sense.   
  
Richard: Yes, but I thought it was one of those those things that makes sense to you and only you.   
  
Emily: Richard, everything I say makes sense to everyone.   
  
Richard: That is so like you, Emily, and very untrue.   
  
Emily: Oh, Richard. (a maid walks into the room from the kitchen)   
  
Maid: Excuse me, Mrs. Gilmore?   
  
Emily: Yes, Mary?   
  
Maid: It's Jane.   
  
Emily: Yes, what?   
  
Jane: There was a slight...accident.   
  
Emily: Oh, what happened now? (stands up, angrily throws her napkin in her chair, and follows Jane)   
  
Richard: (awkwardly) So...   
  
Luke: Excuse me, but I'm going to go find Lorelai.   
  
Richard: Oh. Oh, of course.   
  
Luke: Yeah. (stands up and starts out of the room)   
  
Richard: She's probably in her room. Upstairs, third door on the left.   
  
Luke: Thanks.   
  
(cut to Luke edging the door to Lorelai's room open. Lorelai's laying face-down on her bed. He walks over and sits softly down next to her. Her head pops up)   
  
Luke: Hey.   
  
Lorelai: Oh. Hey. (sits up) Look, I'm sorry about downstairs.   
  
Luke: I see where the craziness comes from.   
  
Lorelai: Who do you think's crazier, me or my mom?   
  
Luke: Oh, I'd say it's a pretty even toss-up.   
  
Lorelai: Ha! Like anyone could believe I'm as crazy as my mother.   
  
Luke: You have to admit, there are some similarities.   
  
Lorelai: There are no similarities. None whatsoever. None at all!   
  
Luke: I disagree whole-heartedly.   
  
Lorelai: Yeah, you would. (she stares out the window while Luke stares at her) Hey, you wanna go out there with me? (points to the balcony)   
  
Luke: The balcony?   
  
Lorelai: Yeah. It's really peaceful. Please?   
  
Luke: Sure.   
  
Lorelai: Yay! (stands up and holds out her hand for Luke. He hesitates, but takes it, and they walk through the window onto the balcony)   
  
Luke: It's cold.   
  
Lorelai: It's winter.   
  
Luke: It is kinda peaceful out here.   
  
Lorelai: See? What'd I tell you? You know, I used to come out here all the time and spy on the neighbors.   
  
Luke: Sounds like something you would do.   
  
Lorelai: Yeah. I spent a whole lot of my childhood out here.   
  
Luke: I bet.   
  
(Luke stares at Lorelai, and finally she turns and looks back at him. She smiles. He smiles back. She takes a step closer. He takes a step closer. They close the final space between then and kiss)   
  
(cut to Jess and Rory standing on her porch.)   
  
Rory: I'm sorry our date got cut short. I don't know what Dean's problem is.   
  
Jess: Can we not talk about him? I want to forget that he ruined our 3 month anniversarry.   
  
Rory: It doesn't have to be a complete loss. I mean, the restaurant was great, our talk at Yale was great, and our goodbye will be... (Jess kisses Rory. They don't stop until oxygen is a neccessity.)   
  
Jess: Great.   
  
(They smile at each other and kiss again...and again...and again.)   
  
Rory: Oh! I was going to give this to you at Yale, but...anyway, Happy Anniversarry. And Valentine's.(She gives him a package wrapped in wrapping paper.) Don't open it now, wait until you get home.   
  
Jess: Thanks. I guess this'll be a good time to give you your presant. (He gives her a beautiful leather bound, gold-paged diary.) Happy Anniversary and Valentine's.   
  
Rory: Jess, it's beautiful!   
  
Jess: Open it.   
  
(Inside, on the front cover, it reads:   
  
**

I love you, Rory.  
February 14, 2003.   
-Your Artful Dodger

**   
  
(Rory has tears of joy in her eyes, as she kisses Jess with as much passion as she can muster.)   
  
Rory: I love you too.   
  
(She says those words so easily; without hesitation, without doubt, or thought. She just knows that she loves him. No pro and con list this time.)   
  
(cut to Emily downstairs at the elder Gilmore home. She opens the door to Christopher holding G.G. in a car seat)   
  
Emily: Christopher!   
  
Chris: Is Lorelai here?   
  
Emily: Yes...somewhere, I believe.   
  
Chris: Where?   
  
Emily: I'm not entirely sure--   
  
Chris: (yells) Where?!   
  
Emily: We had a fight and she ran off.   
  
Chris: (nods) Upstairs. Okay. Can you take the baby?   
  
Emily: What?   
  
Chris: Sherry ran off, I have to go find Lorelai. Take the baby.   
  
Emily: Sherry ran off?   
  
Chris: Yeah. The baby's not on any kind of schedule, and she couldn't handle it. Can you take the baby?   
  
Emily: Well, I suppose--   
  
Chris: Thanks. (hands the car seat to Emily and rushes upstairs. Emily holds her arm out in front of her as far as she can)   
  
(cut to Luke and Lorelai on the balcony kissing. Chris rushes in the door of Lorelai's room)   
  
Chris: Lorelai!   
  
(Luke and Lorelai jump apart)   
  
Lorelai: Christopher.   
  
Luke: Christopher?   
  
Lorelai: (nods) Christopher. (climbs through the window; Luke climbs in after her)   
  
Chris: Who's that?   
  
Lorelai: Uh, Luke, owner of Luke's diner.   
  
Chris: Oh, Luke.   
  
Lorelai: Yeah. Luke. (everyone stands still for an awkward minute) So, Luke, this is Chris, Chris...Luke.   
  
Luke: I figured.   
  
Lorelai: Yeah, I guess you did. Uh, Chris? What are you doing here, and why do you have baby spit up on your shoulder?   
  
Chris: I love you, Lorelai. I miss you, I miss Rory. I want to be a family.   
  
Luke: Maybe I should leave.   
  
Lorelai: No, don't. (to Chris) It's hard to be a family when you're engaged to the mother of your other daughter, who apparently you've seen since the last time you changed your clothes.   
  
Chris: Sherry left.   
  
Lorelai: What?   
  
Chris: Yeah, she wrote us a note and left.   
  
Lorelai: She just picked up and left her perfect little ballerina?   
  
Chris: Yeah.   
  
Lorelai: What'd the note say?   
  
Chris: "I've gone to Missouri because they stay on schedules out there. Call me when she takes her first ballet lesson. Sherry."   
  
Lorelai: Huh. She _really_ doesn't want to be a mom.   
  
Chris: Yeah, but I want to be a dad, and you're already a mom, so I thought we could be a family.   
  
Lorelai: Chris--   
  
Chris: No, please! Come on, Lorelai, I love you.   
  
Lorelai: Chris, I don't know if we could do this.   
  
Chris: We could try, Lorelai, we could try.   
  
Lorelai: I--   
  
Luke: I should really go.   
  
Lorelai: No, don't!   
  
Luke: It's getting late. I need to get back, make sure the diner's still there for tomorrow...   
  
Lorelai: Can you take me with you?   
  
Luke: Uh--(looks at Chris) I guess so.   
  
Lorelai: Thank you. (Luke starts out of the room and Lorelai follows him, but runs back to Chris for a second) Call me when you're sane, and we'll talk about it.   
  
Chris: (happily) You're giving me a chance?   
  
Lorelai: When you're sane. And free of baby throw-up. (kisses him on the cheek) Bye. (runs out of the room) Wait up, Luke!   
  
(cut to Rory in her house. She's in her pajamas and walks from her room to the kitchen. She's got the diary Jess gave her open to the front cover and reads it over and over as she walks to the freezer and grabs a pint of coffee ice cream. She gets a spoon and starts back to her room when she notices someone in the living room. She walks in and Chris is on the couch, holding G.G.)   
  
Rory: (surprised) Hey, Dad. And little G.G! (puts down the ice cream and picks her up. Rory looks at the baby while talking to Chris) What are the two of you doing here? (to G.G.) Oh, you're so cute! Yes, you are!   
  
Chris: I'm here to try and win back your mother and become a real family.   
  
Rory: Really? Huh. (She hands G.G. back to Chris.) I'll be in my room. (walks out of the room, leaving Chris alone on the couch)   
  
(cut to Luke's truck pulling up next to the diner. Luke and Lorelai get out. Luke climbs up the steps of the diner and she follows him, but he turns around at the door and just looks at her, not letting her come in)   
  
Lorelai: (nervously) Uh, thanks for coming to dinner with me.   
  
Luke: No problem.   
  
Lorelai: I guess we really did end up in an insane asylum, huh? I mean, my mother and father...   
  
Luke: And Chris.   
  
Lorelai: Yeah, Chris.   
  
Luke: I have to go in now.   
  
Lorelai: Sure, sure. I--I'll see you tomorrow. For coffee, I mean. (Luke nods and enters the diner, locking the door behind him. Lorelai turns and walks down the steps and towards her house. Then she whispers) Christopher.   
  
(the scene freezes and goes black and white. A huge spotlight shines on one spot and Miss Patty walks on while Morey plays something slow on a piano on one side of the screen)   
  
Patty: Whoa, Todd, that spotlight's a little bright! I practically need sunglasses! (picks up a tape recorder and presses play. We hear canned laughter and then she presses stop and it stops) Thank you, thank you. All right, Morey. (tries to sit on the piano, but can't quite get up high enough. Just leans against it instead) Now, I'm here to tell you about those delightful young people you've been watching all night. (suddenly the twilight zone theme blares over Morey's piano playing. Kirk walks on)   
  
Kirk: Miss Patty, this is my job! (grabs for her mike and tries to hop on the piano, but Miss Patty steals the mike)   
  
Patty: You're too dull, Kirky boy, and you don't know half of the gossip I'm privy to!   
  
Kirk: Miss Patty! It's mine! (grabs for the mike and successfully gets it. Holds it away from Miss Patty who tries really hard to get it. Bent over, he speaks quickly into the mike) Will Chris really win back Lorelai? Will Luke refuse danishes to all the Gilmore clan in the morning? Will Jess and Rory keep on lovin' one another as Dean fuels up for an even bigger fight? Will Miss Patty get it into her head that this is my job? Mine, not hers, not Taylor's, not anybody else's! Just mine! Sorry. Will Sherry come back, wanting the baby? And just what is up with Missouri? Why do they keep on schedules there and not in Boston? All these questions and many, many more on next week's episode of _The Gilmore Zone_. I mean, _The Outer Limits of_--meh, Luke's not here. _The Gil_...(Luke comes in and smacks him on the head and walks back out) That's mean. (Sighs sadly and walks off scene) 


	3. Nature's Stead

Title: The Cat Came Back  
  
Chapter 3: Nature's Stead  
  
Disclaimer: Yes, we own Gilmore Girls and everything that is attached to it. Jess takes turns living with each of us, and Dean's locked up in a prison cell, doing 30 to life. If you seriously believe that, you may want to cut down on the coffee.  
  
Authors' Notes (Because there's 2 of us, get it?): A hugungous thanks to: evil-rain-maker (love the name), amiboshi no miko, Melissa Larkin, airforcebrat529, Alliegirl, Jamie(Thanks for reviewing twice!), Roganu-chan, Diabla666(tell me, do you have a lot of luck? lol), Tempting Fate, emmy, emaline, and auzstar913.  
  
Special hugungous thanks to: Emmy, Emaline, and auzstar913 for adding us on your favourites list! You guys rock!  
  
And for anyone who wanted to review, but couldn't because we didn't accept anonymous reviews before, sorry about that little snag. The box was checked for some reason, and we just noticed now. So review away! We love reviews, don't we Samantha?  
  
We love reviews as much as we love Milo, and that's saying a lot. I mean, LOOK AT HIM!  
  
Stop drooling there, Samantha.  
  
I'm not, you are.  
  
*not paying attention* Huh?  
  
Ugh, on with the show!  
  
*both run away to take out their magazine of Jess pictures*   
  
~~~~   
(Lorelai walks home after her talk with Luke. Although she walked slowly, she arrived faster than she expected; she wasn't prepared for what was waiting for her inside . . . on her couch . . . with a baby . . . and a shoulder full of spit.)  
  
Lorelai:(Walks through the hallway to the living room) Remember the last time you visited us at my mom's house? Not so good. And now you come and do it again, with a baby no less. (Sees Christopher holding GiGi far away from him, but close to the electric fan.) What are you doing?  
  
Chris: She's, uh, kinda stinky.  
  
Lorelai: So your plan is to have the fan mince her into tiny pieces? Let me see her.  
  
Chris: Uh, there are diapers in the bag.  
  
(Lorelai digs through a green bag, pulling out clothes and toys; all green as well.)  
  
Lorelai:(mutters) Green is the new pink; what was she on?  
  
Chris: What was that?  
  
Lorelai:(while she changes GiGi's diaper) I just asked where Rory was.  
  
Chris: She came home, found us here, actually talked to me, played with GiGi, and went to her room.  
  
Lorelai: Uh huh. Then did she close the door, turn on the light, and play some music? I swear, I've got to discipline that child!  
  
Chris: She left after I talked to her.  
  
Lorelai:(finished with GiGi) What did you say to her?  
  
Chris: That I want to be a real family, all of us; you, me, GiGi and Rory. I don't know how she took it.  
  
Lorelai: Huh. Well the actual leaving might be a clue that she's not too happy. Why didn't you wait for me to get home so I can talk to her?  
  
Chris: Why wouldn't she be happy? She has a sister now, and I'm back, ready and willing to be a father. What would you and Rory have talked about?  
  
Lorelai: Oh, I don't know. The fact that her father and half sister just magically appeared on our doorstep, with no explanation but, 'I want to be a family' could have possibly shocked her, had never occurred to me.  
  
Chris: Lorelai, not so loud; GiGi's trying to sleep.  
  
Lorelai: Right. I'm going to say goodnight to my daughter now, and if little GiGi here decides to cry in the middle of the night, let me just say, we've got plenty of available rooms at the Inn.  
  
(Lorelai gets up, tosses Chris some blankets, and heads for Rory's room. Once inside, she sees Rory already asleep, the light still on, and her diary in her hand. Lorelai tucks her in and kisses her forehead. She stands at the doorway and watches Rory for a few minutes. She looks back in the living room and sighs.)   
  
(Cut to Rory and Jess kissing at the bridge the next day. They finally break apart.)  
  
Rory: I love you.  
  
Jess: I love you too.  
  
Rory: I love, love you.  
  
Jess: I don't see how that's possible, but I love, love, love you.  
  
Rory: Now that's impossible.  
  
(Jess is about to say something, when his watch beeps)  
  
Jess: Gotta go.  
  
Rory: What? Where?  
  
Jess: The diner. My shift starts now, and I don't want Luke to get all Oscar the Grouch on me.  
  
Rory: Wow, I've never heard 'Oscar the Grouch' be used as a saying before. It's . . . different.  
  
Jess: Yeah, well, they both have the 'living in small spaces' thing down. Now I'm just waiting for Luke to start throwing garbage at people.  
  
Rory: Did Oscar ever do that?  
  
Jess: Do I look like the kind of person who'd know?  
  
Rory: All we need to do is get a little Elmo in you. You've both got the 'cuteness' thing down. Now I'm just waiting for you to sing in a really high pitched voice.  
  
Jess: My girlfriend is comparing me to a fuzzy, red, dust bunny.  
  
Rory: Elmo's not a dust bunny!  
  
(Jess gets up and starts walking and Rory follows)  
  
Rory: He's not!  
  
(Cut to: Dean in his room, looking at a list)  
  
Dean: Number one--Confront the Situation. Check. (He puts a check mark on the paper)Number two--Become Friends with Rory. That should be easy. Just add a few apologies here, a few 'I miss you's there, and she'll feel so sorry for little ol' Dean, that she couldn't stand being mean. Works every time.  
  
(Dean's mom calls him from downstairs)  
  
Mrs. Forester: Deany honey, dinner's ready!  
  
Dean: Just a second, Mom!  
  
Mrs. Forester: I have your SpongeBob glass out!  
  
Dean: I'll be right down! Just wait!  
  
Mrs. Forester: Clara wants to use it!  
  
(Dean jumps up from his desk and runs down the stairs)  
  
Dean: Clara, don't you dare!  
  
(Cut to: Rory reading on a bench, waiting for her bus to Chilton. Jess offered to give her a ride, but knowing that he'd just be late for his own school, Rory refused. Jess went to school, and promised to pick her up at the bus stop after school.)  
  
Rory:(to herself) One of the greatest love stories of our time? Gatsby and Daisy can't even get through a day without having dinner or lunch with her cheating husband. It's SO obvious that they're just remembering the scarce memories of their past together. I can't believe Jess recommended this to me.  
  
Dean:(sneaks up behind her) Discussing books with yourself again? What, are you lacking coffee?  
  
Rory: What do you want Dean? The "I Can't Stop Being An Obnoxious Jerk" Club meeting isn't until after school.  
  
Dean: Ouch, that hurt.  
  
Rory: Whatever.  
  
Dean: Rory, can't we talk?  
  
Rory: I think we did too much of that on Friday. Valentine's Day. My 3 month Anniversary.  
  
Dean: I was just coming by to apologize about that. (He's starting to put phase 2 of his "plan" into action)  
  
Rory: Really? Because you're doing a fantastic job so far.  
  
Dean:(sits down beside her) We need to stop this hostility. We live in a small town, we're bound to see each other sooner or later, and this uh, negativeness, isn't doing anyone any good.  
  
Rory: Seriously Dean, I don't think Kirk cares about our little row.  
  
Dean: No, but Miss Patty does, and Babette does, and everyone who misses their favourite couple will care that they're suddenly being all distant with each other.  
  
Rory: Add "self-centered" to the list.  
  
Dean: Thanks.  
  
Rory:(shakes her head) Dean, my bus will be here soon. Either give me the Reader's Digest version of this conversation, or wait until my next 3 month anniversary to talk to me.  
  
Dean: I want us to be friends again. I don't care what Jess will think, I just want to have you back in my life . . . (Takes this time to remember the rest of his speech) I miss you.  
  
Rory:(softening a little) I didn't want to stop being friends either, but after you started that argument on my VERY special date with Jess, I wasn't sure if I wanted you as a friend.  
  
Dean: I want to be able to talk to you again.  
  
Rory: I do too, sort of.  
  
Dean: So, we're okay?  
  
Rory: We're better. But no more interrupting of dates.  
  
(Dean doesn't answer because the bus comes to pick up Rory.)  
  
Dean: Bye Rory!  
  
(Rory makes a small wave and quickly boards. The bus leaves.)  
  
Dean:(to himself) Won't be long now.  
(Cut to: after school. Jess is waiting at the bench as promised. Rory's bus arrives and she climbs out.)  
  
Rory: Hey you!  
  
Jess: Hey.  
  
(They kiss)  
  
Jess: How was Hell?  
  
Rory: Pretty good, but I think the teachers WANT us to fail; that's why they bombard us with impossibly difficult homework everyday.  
  
Jess: Such is life.  
  
Rory: Well, you're just so calm and collected because you don't do your homework, but the teachers at Stars Hollow High don't expect much out of anyone, so their standards aren't too high, which makes you--(Jess hands her a cup of coffee)Did I tell you how much I love you? (Gulps down the coffee)  
  
Jess: Not today, no.(He's just joking because he remembers their little "I love You's" at the bridge)  
  
Rory: Well I do.  
  
Jess: I do too.  
  
Rory: You what? Love me too, or love yourself too?  
  
Jess: I guess caffeine right now was not smart.  
  
Rory: Well? Which one is it?  
  
Jess: Uh, the first one.  
  
Rory: Do you even know what the first one was, or are you just saying that?  
  
Jess: Oh look, a pony!  
  
Rory: Stop trying to change the subject!  
  
Jess: Okay, but just as a heads up, there's a huge pony right behind you.  
  
Rory: I'm not 4, Jess. I don't fall for that anymore.  
  
Jess: I wonder if it likes carrots.  
  
Rory: Jess! Do you love me, or do you--(This is when something licks the back of Rory's head) AAAHHH!!!(Runs behind Jess and closes her eyes)  
  
Jess: Hi, Taylor.  
  
Rory: Taylor licked me? TAYLOR LICKED ME?! (She opens her eyes to find a huge dapple-grey pony staring her in the face, with Taylor holding its reins) Oh my gosh . . . where's my mom when you need her?  
  
Taylor: Please, Rory. I have enough problems all ready, what with my sign missing a 'P' and an 'E', and a horse that only eats waffles, without your mother showing up.  
  
Jess: So what's with the horse, Taylor?  
  
Taylor: Ralphy here is from a farm two towns over. As you know, my 'Soda Shoppe' will be opening soon, and to attract business, I rented him for a couple of days.  
  
Rory: He looks sad.  
  
Taylor: Why would he be sad? He's going to be the mascot of a very successful soda shop!(He happily walks away, Ralphy tagging along behind him.)  
  
Rory: Wait! (She pulls a half-eaten danish out of her backpack and runs to Ralphy) Here you go. (The horse gobbles it down quickly and licks Rory's hand) Looks like he has a new favorite food, Taylor.  
  
(Taylor continues to walk down the road with Ralphy, smiling as already a number of people are pointing and calling out to them.)  
  
Jess: I think that horse is evidence that I don't lie.  
  
Rory: What?  
  
Jess: It was behind you, wasn't it?  
  
Rory: Yeah.  
  
Jess: I love you.  
  
Rory: That was random but sweet.  
  
Jess: Before, when I said 'I do too', I meant that I love you too.  
  
(Rory kisses him)  
  
Rory: Now, hold onto that thought while I tell you this.  
  
Jess: Okay . . .  
  
Rory: This morning, Dean asked me if we can be friends again, and I told him that I'd like to(looks at Jess, but his expression is unreadable), but if he tries to start an argument with you, or us, again, I will immediately go back to ignoring him.  
  
Jess: Is that all? Dean just wants to be your friend?  
  
Rory: Yeah . . . Shouldn't you be feeling more, I don't know, angry?  
  
Jess: Why? Because some guy wants to be my girlfriend's friend?  
  
Rory: Yeah.  
  
Jess: Rory, I'm not Dean. You can have friends other than me.  
  
Rory: I still need to get used to having an understanding boyfriend. (She kisses him again, but this time, Jess prolongs the kiss by holding onto her waist. She locks her arms around his neck and they continue to kiss . . . until they are rudely interrupted.)  
  
Lorelai: I'm sorry for interrupting this fascinating game of tonsil hockey, but, was that just a horse walking down the street?  
  
(Cut to the diner. Lorelai walks in with Rory and Jess, and watches them as they go upstairs into the apartment.)  
  
Lorelai: Hey, Lucas! Michel gave me a headache and there's a huge horse outside that eats danishes. So, all-in-all, I need coffee!  
  
Luke: What else is new?  
  
(He pours her a cup.)  
  
Lorelai: Did you know Taylor brought a horse to town, just for the Soda Shoppe's grand opening?  
  
Luke: If I did, do you think it would still be here, tied up to the wall beside my diner?  
  
Lorelai: Don't tell me you don't like horses. Everyone likes horses, they're nature's, uh, stead.  
  
Luke: How would you like to have nature's stead piss on your walls?  
  
Lorelai: Aren't we a little testy? Besides, you probably just made Jess clean it up.  
  
Luke: Even better, Taylor.  
  
Lorelai: So why are you in a bad mood?  
  
Luke: What are you talking about? I'm always like this.  
  
Lorelai: Which comeback should I use for that one?  
  
Luke: Stop babbling and drink your coffee.  
  
Lorelai: There's another thing. You've never willingly given me coffee; I usually have to annoy and/or embarrass you for a cup.  
  
Luke: I was already annoyed today. (We all know why . . .*coughchriscough*)  
  
(Awkward silence . . .)  
  
Luke and Lorelai: Should we talk about Friday?  
  
(They smile at each other, but at that moment, Chris enters the diner with GiGi in her carrier)  
  
Chris: Lorelai, I knew you'd be here!  
  
Lorelai: Well, the coffee's here.  
  
Luke: I'm going to check on Jess and Rory. I think I left my, uh, ladle upstairs.  
  
(Luke goes up the stairs, not wanting to hear their conversation)  
  
Lorelai: Chris, what are you doing here? I told you I'd be home soon after work.  
  
Chris: I just couldn't wait to talk to you . . .  
  
Lorelai:(interrupting) That's sweet.  
  
Chris:(continuing) . . . about being a family.  
  
Lorelai: Uh, yeah . . . but not here. We can't even have cell phones in the diner, much less plans that could alter our lives forever.  
  
Chris: So I'll meet you at home?  
  
Lorelai: Yes, I'll meet you at MY house. 'Cause it's my house right now, not ours. Well, not "yours and mine"' ours. It is, of course, still mine and Rory's house. And Frank, the spider plant. Although he's really close to dying, so soon it'll just be mine and Rory's house again. Yep, just me and Rory . . . us. Not you and me us. Not yet. Not that there has to be a yet. I mean--(sighs) Bye, Chris.  
  
Chris: Bye, Lorelai. I love you.  
  
(Lorelai blushes at this, so Chris smiles as he exits the diner. Luke comes back down, ladle in hand. He unfortunately heard the last part.)  
  
Luke: I don't think my plan's working too well.  
  
Lorelai: What?  
  
Luke: The "I Forgot My . . ." plan. I think they can hear me go up the stairs, because they were both sitting on different furniture. On different sides of the room.  
  
Lorelai: Oh, uh, yeah. Um, when Rory's done playing kissy face with Jess, can you tell her to come home as soon as she can? I just need to talk to Chris, and we're gonna go out to eat, and we need someone to watch the baby. . .  
  
Luke: I get it.  
  
Lorelai: You can have Jess stay over at our house when I come over. I mean, uh, to talk about what happened that night.  
  
Luke: Yeah.  
  
Lorelai: Yeah. I should go.  
  
Luke: Bye.  
  
Lorelai: Oh, put the coffee on my tab.  
  
Luke: The tab's getting pretty big.  
  
Lorelai: When I win a million dollars, you'll be the first person I pay.  
  
Luke: (As Lorelai walks out the door) I'll be waiting.  
  
(Cut to Luke's apartment. Rory and Jess are sitting on separate pieces of furniture across the room from each other, reading. We can hear footsteps retreating.)  
  
Jess: I think he's gone. (walks over to the couch, where Rory is sitting)  
  
Rory: (sighs and stands up) I think I need to go home.  
  
Jess: Oh, come on! He just left, and we haven't even gotten to the fun stuff yet!  
  
Rory: Jess!  
  
Jess: You know what I mean.  
  
Rory: Yeah, and I'd love to get to the . . . fun stuff, as you so aptly put it, but my dad's in town.  
  
Jess: With his girlfriend and new kid?  
  
Rory: New kid, no girlfriend.  
  
Jess: What happened to her? Couldn't handle being away from work for more than two hours?  
  
Rory: Actually, she ran out on them.  
  
Jess: (winces) Ooh.  
  
Rory: Yeah. And now my dad wants to be a family.  
  
Jess: Didn't Luke and Lorelai eat dinner together Friday?  
  
Rory: Yeah. But they had to go to my grandparent's for dinner.  
  
Jess: (winces again) Ooh.  
  
Rory: Exactly. And then my dad showed up with GiGi when Mom and Luke were...getting to know each other better.  
  
Jess: Eww!  
  
Rory: Sorry.  
  
Jess: Complicated.  
  
Rory: Yeah. So I gotta go home. I think Mom and Dad are going out tonight, to straighten everything out.  
  
Jess: So you got wrangled into baby sitting?  
  
Rory: Actually, I volunteered. I figure I should get to know my baby sister before the spit hits the fan. Baby spit, of course.  
  
Jess: Of course. Well (gives her a kiss) I can come over later, if you want me to.  
  
Rory: Actually, I'm looking forward to quality time.  
  
Jess: With an infant?  
  
Rory: Y-yeah. And hey, if it does get too boring, I've got your number on speed-dial.  
  
Jess: Oh, you love me that much?  
  
Rory: What, are you kidding? We've got all the major take out places on speed-dial. The diner's number two, but the apartment's only number five.  
  
Jess: Because of me?  
  
Rory: Nope, late-night coffee binges.  
  
Jess: That explains why Luke has started unplugging the phone after ten and slamming it against the wall.  
  
Rory: Yep. Usually when Luke acts like that, my mom's to blame.  
  
Jess: Yeah, I've noticed.  
  
Rory: I hope they can work this out.  
  
Jess: Me, too. (they smile at each other for a second) Hey, don't you have to go? You're gonna be late.  
  
Rory: Yeah, thanks. (grabs her book bag and walks out the door. Jess just stands there)  
  
Jess: Four, three, two, one...(Rory bursts back through the door, gives him a kiss, picks up her book from the table, gives him another kiss, and leaves.)  
  
(Cut to Gilmore Home. Rory's lying on the couch, looking at her diary. Lorelai walks in)  
  
Lorelai: Rory, please stop making googly eyes at that diary of yours.  
  
Rory: How could I possibly be making googly eyes at a diary?  
  
Lorelai: Oh, I don't know, the way you've been staring at it for the past half hour gives the impression you're making googly eyes.  
  
Rory: I think you need your nightly caffeine fix.  
  
Lorelai: Me too. I think I'm going to call Luke.  
  
Rory: Speaking of Luke-- are you ever going to finish talking with him?  
  
Lorelai: I have no idea what you be saying, child.  
  
Rory: Please. You've been avoiding the topic and him for the pas . . .  
  
Lorelai:(interrupts) I have not been avoiding him!  
  
Rory: You refused to go in the diner this morning because your shoes were telling you not to.  
  
Lorelai: Have I taught you nothing? Always obey what the shoes tell you to do!  
  
Rory: Mom, I know you and Luke did something to "keep busy" at Grandma's, and now you don't want to talk about it.  
  
Lorelai: Of course I don't. I don't want to talk about something that's being referred to as "keeping busy".  
  
Rory: Mom, you're impossible!  
  
Lorelai: I've been told that by many people. Some of which, I don't even know.(the phone rings)  
  
Rory:(anxiously) Do you think that's Luke?  
  
Lorelai: What, are you kidding? That only happens in the movies. (stares at the phone anyway)  
  
Lorelai's voice:(on the answering machine) Hey, you've reached us! If you don't know who "us" is, than you better get your head out of the toilet and find out! Otherwise, leave a message.  
  
Lane: (happily) The best day of my life is here! It rocks! Okay, Rory, come over as soon as you can, 'cause I'm the happiest I've ever been . . . and I even ate tofu for dinner! I need you over here to listen to The Pointer Sisters with me! AHHH!(hangs up the phone and there's a dial tone)  
  
Lorelai: The Pointer Sisters?  
  
Rory:(matter-of-factly) I'm so excited.  
  
Lorelai: Yeah, I can sense how thrilled you are with that tone of voice. Who are The Pointer Sisters?  
  
Rory: They sang "I'm So Excited."  
  
Lorelai: Oh. I knew that. Why is she so excited?  
  
Rory: Because, tonight is her third fake date with her fake boyfriend, and they're going to have a fake break-up, and she's gonna fake cry.  
  
Lorelai: Well, send her my fake condolences.(pause) See, I have no idea what you were so worried about. Luke's not going to call, and he did not just hear what we were talking about. (The phone rings and Lorelai picks up) H-hello?  
  
Rory:(Walking to her room) My ears are burning. No, I didn't say you were talking about me. My ears are really burning. I wanted to see what was inside, so I lit a q-tip. (A/N Just threw in something from 'The Simpsons there, lol.)  
  
(Lorelai waves her off and listens in the phone)  
  
Lorelai: Sorry, who's calling?  
  
Luke: No, no, and for the last time no! No coffee raids at 10:00pm, no coffee crusades at 10:00pm, hell, just don't come over! I am un-plugging my phone after this conversation and locking the door. I'm drawing the blinds and making sure Jess plays his damn music far above Taylor's liking, so that neither of us will see, nor hear you. Got that? Good. (pause) I'll see you tomorrow for Danish Day. (He hangs up)  
  
Lorelai:(stares at the silent phone) We've got to talk. (sighs and sinks into the couch. There's a squeak and she pulls a green baby toy from underneath her. She throws it across the room and then puts her head in her hands.)  
  
(Cut to: Lorelai standing outside Luke's. She went to the diner to see if she could persuade him for some coffee. But, just as he promised, the door was locked, the curtains were drawn, the 'CLOSED . . . especially to you, Lorelai!!' sign was out, and Jess's music was blaring.)  
  
Lorelai:(trying to yell over the music) Luke! This is inhumane! No person should be treated like this! This is deprivation, starvation, and . . .  
  
Luke:(interrupts out of the window) This is me ignoring you!(He shuts the window)  
  
Lorelai:(whining) Luke!! (She starts to walk home, muttering to herself) Stupid Luke. Won't give me coffee, eh? Makes me wait for working hours to be served, will he? I'll show him.  
  
Rory: Mom! What are you doing out? I was just going home from Lane's, and I heard you plotting something.  
  
Lorelai: Nothing a good cup of joe couldn't fix. (yelling) Isn't that right, Luke! Isn't that right!  
  
Rory: Let's take you home.  
  
Lorelai: Yeah. You know, you'd think that Luke would have learned by now not to deprive a Gilmore of coffee. But no, he just keeps making the same mistake, He's going to regret it one day.  
  
Rory: I think you remind him of that fact everyday.  
  
Lorelai: It's not enough. I'm going to have to start writing it in his underwear.  
  
Rory: At least you have a plan. (pause)  
  
Lorelai: You do think Luke wears underw . . .  
  
Rory:(interrupts) Mom, gross!  
  
Lorelai: Well, he's got to be uptight for a reason.  
  
Rory: You mean other than the fact the love of his life may get back together with the father of her child?  
  
Lorelai: Rory, your father and I haven't even talked about it yet. I said we'd talk when I got home, but GiGi finally went to sleep, and he didn't want to wake her. But we will still need you to babysit when we do talk.  
  
Rory: Just tell me that no matter what happens, GiGi will never sleep in my room. She's cute and everything, but she stinks.  
  
Lorelai: Must've got that from Sherry.  
  
Rory: Yeah.  
  
(Ralphy suddenly trots by with a "Soda Shoppe" banner it's mouth.)  
  
Rory: Should we tell Taylor?  
  
Lorelai: Not just yet.  
  
(Rory puts her arm around Lorelai, and Lor leans her head on Rory's shoulder. They continue walking home. Then the scene goes black and white, and none other but Kirk walks on, to the theme from "The Twilight Zone.")  
  
Kirk: Hey, you don't see Miss Patty, do you? No? What about Babbette? Okay, well, here's your questions to ponder this time: When are Chris and Lorelai finally going to have their talk? And what will they decide? Will Luke and Lorelai ever have flirty coffee banter without awkward silences again? Just what the hell is Dean planning, and why hasn't someone gone insane and chopped him up with one of those really sharp knives from Aisle Eight in Doose's Market yet? Is GiGi really stinky, and did she get it from Sherry? What *was* Sherry on when she decided green was the new pink? Especially that really puke green color? Then again, I guess it does match Chris' shoulder. Ha! I made a joke! Wow, I'm getting good. (starts to walk off) Oh, yeah. (walks back on) Maybe we'll give you the answers to these question next week, but we'll definitely give you more questions on next week's episode of "The Gilmore Zone!" (imitates the twilight zone theme song) Hey, when Luke's fighting with Lorelai, he doesn't hit me! Cool! (walks off one side of the screen. We hear a girly scream from the side he walked off, and he suddenly runs back on, frantically looks both ways, and then runs off the other side. Suddenly Luke runs on with a huge knife. He stops and speaks to the audience) Luke: I visited Aisle Eight. (laughs and runs off after Kirk) 


	4. Just Can't Shake Your Love

Title: The Cat Came Back  
Chapter 4: Just Can't Shake Your Love  
  
Disclaimer: Yup, still too poor to own Gilmore Girls. I don't think that's ever going to change.   
And we are in no way affiliated with "Outer Limits", "The Twilight Zone", "Quantum Leap", Kelly Easton, Sheena Easton, Debbie Gibson, or Tiffany (the redhead). Yeah. Just had to get that off our chests.   
  
A/N: Thanks to Kiara, Jlo (Hey, Jennifer Lopez reviewed! I wonder if that means that Ben read it.....???) auzstar913, (you're fantasterrific!) Ice, Roganu-Chan, Sidney, Holly Gilmore, and Too Lazy To Sign In (aren't we all?) for reviewing.  
Also special thanks to Roganu-Chan, who added us to her favorites list.   
We love reviews! Hopefully we can break our record, so review, review, review!   
And read, read, read our story!   
They can't if we hold them up on our A/N.   
Than we better stop.   
Yeah.   
Okay.   
So, stop.   
I did. _You_ started again.   
Okay, no more talking after this.   
Okay. D'oh!   
Ugh.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
(Cut to Stars Hollow. Lorelai and Rory are walking to Luke's. Rory is talking while Lorelai is deep in thought.)   
  
Rory: So, today after school, I am going to come home, babysit GiGi while you and Dad "discuss" someplace, then you go to the diner and "discuss" with Luke, and I'll be patiently waiting at home for all the details. Good plan?   
  
(Lorelai is silent for a moment)   
  
Lorelai: Is "iced tea" juice?   
  
Rory: What?   
  
Lorelai: Or is it just that: _iced_ tea?   
  
Rory: Mom, I was telling you about our plans for later this afternoon, and all you can think about are beverages?   
  
Lorelai: Not any type of beverage. A very confusing kind.   
  
Rory: (sighs) And the rant begins.   
  
Lorelai: I mean, it's either a tea or a juice. I don't see how it can be both.   
  
Rory: It's just cold tea. How appetizing is that?   
  
Lorelai: Appetizing enough for me to wonder what the hell "ice tea" is!   
  
(They enter Luke's)   
  
Lorelai: Hey, Luke! I have a question for you!   
  
Luke: Lorelai, please sit down.   
  
(Rory and Lorelai sit at the counter)   
  
Lorelai: Okay, Luke. I have a very important question for you. This could decide what I'll be ordering.   
  
Rory: Please, you're just going to order coffee. As usual.   
  
Lorelai: Hush, child. (To Luke) What is ice tea?   
  
Luke: Uh . . .   
  
Lorelai: Is it cold tea or juice?   
  
Luke: It's, a . . .   
  
Lorelai: Growing a beard here . . .   
  
Luke: Why?   
  
Lorelai: Why am I growing a beard? Maybe because you're taking too lo--   
  
Luke: (interrupts) No, why do you want to know what ice tea is?   
  
Lorelai: Because, ice tea can't be two kinds of drinks. It's either a juice or a tea. There is no such thing as "tea juice". Unless . . .   
  
Luke: Lorelai, ice tea is cold tea. It's tea with ice cubes in it. Sometimes people add lemons to their glasses, just for the hell of it. Do you want to have tea with ice cubes in it and funny-shaped citrus fruit lodged in your glass? I'll call Caesar.   
  
Lorelai: (sighs) No. That's all right. I'll just have coffee. (Luke returns with coffee in a tea cup) What's this?   
  
Luke: I'm giving you your coffee in smaller quantities.   
  
Lorelai: Interesting. Why?!   
  
Luke: To lower your caffeine intake.   
  
Lorelai: I deserve my regular coffee intake after what you did to me.   
  
Luke: What did I do?   
  
Lorelai: You've ruined my liking of ice tea! Now I shall never drink it again! Not after you explaining the harsh reality behind it.   
  
Luke: So it's my fault you asked what ice tea was?   
  
Lorelai: Yes.   
  
Luke: How?   
  
Lorelai: (ignores his question) So all in all, you must now give me a huge bowl of coffee. And a few "I'm sorry"s wouldn't hurt. And fries. And a burger. And a puppy! And money. And clothes. And . . .   
  
Luke: (slams a cup of coffee on the counter) Here's your damn coffee.   
  
Lorelai: Thank you Lucas!   
  
(Luke sighs and goes to Kirk)   
  
Luke: What'll it be?   
  
Kirk: Hhhmmm . . . I think I'll have ice tea please. And make sure it's cold. Oh, and could you stick a lemon on my glass?   
  
Luke: (yells) What the hell is wrong with you people?! (He stomps upstairs and the door is heard slamming)   
  
Kirk: (to Lorelai) What's got his panties in a bunch?   
  
Lorelai: He probably just needs some tea.   
  
(Cut to Lorelai's kitchen. Dave, Brian, Zach and Lane are all sitting at the table.)   
  
Dave: Okay, so we've got all our songs.   
  
Zach: No, man, we still need a love song.   
  
Dave: Well, okay. What'd you have in mind?   
  
Zach: I dunno, man.   
  
Dave: Brian? (Brian shrugs) Lane?   
  
Lane: Uh... (Christopher walks by carrying GiGi and humming "All You Need Is Love" by the Beatles) "All You Need Is Love?"   
  
Dave: I dunno, we haven't really done any Beatles covers.   
  
Lane: All the more reason to do this one!   
  
Dave: What do you guys think?   
  
Zach: Who was that guy?   
  
Lane: Rory's dad.   
  
Brian: Rory's dad?   
  
Lane: Yeah. What about the song?   
  
Brian: Who was that baby he was holding?   
  
Lane: Rory's sister.   
  
Dave: Guys, the song.   
  
Zach: Lorelai had another kid?   
  
Lane: No, it's Rory's half-sister.   
  
Brian: What are Rory's dad and half-sister doing walking through the kitchen?   
  
Lane: They're staying here for a little while.   
  
Dave: The song, people, hello!   
  
Zach: Hey. (to Lane) Why are they staying here? Where's the kid's mom?   
  
Lane: She ran off.   
  
Brian: She ran off?   
  
Zach: That sucks.   
  
Dave: Yeah, it really does. Now can we please focus on the task at hand?   
  
Zach: Dude, did you just say "the task at hand"? That's so not cool.   
  
Dave: Come on, we've got a gig in a month. We need to get started on the set list.   
  
Brian: We did. We're just missing a love song.   
  
Lane: And I suggested "All You Need Is Love."   
  
Zach: A Beatles song?   
  
Lane: Yeah.   
  
Brian: No, I don't think we should do a Beatles song.   
  
Dave: All right, then, what song do you suggest?   
  
Zach: Hey, man, you're the brains of the group. (to Lane) So Lorelai's ex is staying here with his new kid cause his wife ran off?   
  
Lane: Girlfriend.   
  
Brian: He wasn't married to this one, either?   
  
(Dave groans and hits his head on the table)   
  
(Cut to later. The Gilmore living room. Rory is sitting on the couch. GiGi is in a little bouncy-chair thingy on the table, facing Rory. Lorelai and Christopher are getting ready to leave)   
  
Lorelai: Okay, and if you need us, we'll be at Weston's.   
  
Rory: Bakery?   
  
Lorelai: How many Weston's do you know of?   
  
Rory: Okay, Weston's Bakery it is. I think we've still got it on speed-dial.   
  
Lorelai: Great. And I have my cell-phone.   
  
Rory: And I know the number.   
  
(Lorelai stands where she is, smiling sadly at Rory, who smiles back.)   
  
Chris: We'll just be going now. Come on, Lorelai. (pulls on her arm)   
  
Lorelai: I'm coming. Bye, sweetie.   
  
Rory: Bye, Mom.   
  
Chris: Lor...   
  
Lorelai: Eh, calm down! If you're so impatient, go wait on the porch.   
  
Chris: (shrugs) Okay. (walks out)   
  
(Lorelai sits on the couch next to Rory and gives her a big hug)   
  
Rory: Oof! Air, I need air!   
  
Lorelai: (still hugging her) Oh, my little baby! When I come back, life-changing news may be announced.   
  
Rory: Will it have anything to do with me getting air?   
  
Lorelai: Oh, sorry. (releases her) Maybe the weirdest thing in the world will actually transpire.   
  
Rory: You and Grandma being civil to each other for longer than a day and a half?   
  
Lorelai: Okay, the second weirdest. Your mom and dad may get together.   
  
Rory: Yep, that'd be life-changing news.   
  
Lorelai: (hugs Rory again) Oh, my wittle baby!   
  
Rory: Mom, Dad's waiting.   
  
Lorelai: (stops hugging Rory and stands up) You're right. I'll go. (doesn't move)   
  
Rory: Mom, go.   
  
Lorelai: You mean I'm not going already?   
  
Rory: (stands up and pushes Lorelai to the door) Go. We'll be fine. Good-_bye_!   
  
Lorelai: Bye bye, sweetie! (waves as Rory slams the door in her face and walks back over to the couch.)   
  
Rory: At least you're not related to that madness.   
  
(Lorelai taps on the window and waves again before Christopher pulls her away.)   
  
(Cut to even later. Rory is still sitting on the couch, and GiGi is still being a baby and sitting in her little bouncy seat thing. Rory is reading a book out loud.)   
  
Rory: "Chevy Chase--" Wait, is it Chevy or Shevy? Oh, you don't know, you're a baby. I'm gonna call him Chevy, cause Shevy sounds like a car. Okay, so, "Chevy Chase, Cast Member--" Why are they telling us he's a cast member? They told us that in the last chapter. He kept talking about everything he was doing and how he was one of the original cast members. This is a weird book. Then again, Mom likes weird things. I bet you already know that, even if you are an infant.   
  
(There's a noise outside the house, on the porch.)   
  
Rory: Oh, dear God, it's Kirk! Or the pizza. Stay right there, G. I'll be right back. (starts to walk away but then turns back and picks GiGi up.) I once saw this episode of ER where Abby was being stupid and left a baby all alone and someone stole her. They spent the whole episode looking for her, but Mom and I just yelled at her for being so stupid. (throughout this entire speech, she's been walking to the front door. She has now reached it and realized that she has no hands to open the door, so she just kind of squishes her head up against the window and looks out) Dean? Dean! (knocks on the door with one hand and gestures for him to come in)   
  
Dean: Hey, Rory. (leans to kiss her but she backs up)   
  
Rory: Hey, Dean. What are you doing here?   
  
Dean: Well, I heard you were babysitting and decided to come help my friend out.   
  
Rory: Oh. That's...okay, I guess.   
  
Dean: Yeah, so. What are you doing?   
  
Rory: Babysitting.   
  
Dean: Well, what were you doing before I got here?   
  
Rory: Babysitting.   
  
Dean: Well, what were you doing while you were babysitting?   
  
Rory: Oh, I was reading a book to GiGi.   
  
Dean: GiGi?   
  
Rory: My little sister. (holds up GiGi) GiGi.   
  
Dean: Oh. (Rory walks back into the living room and Dean hits himself on the head) Stupid, stupid, stupid!   
  
Rory: Did you say something?   
  
Dean: No. (follows Rory) What were you reading to her?   
  
Rory: It's right there on the table. (settles GiGi back into her bouncy chair thing)   
  
Dean: (reading book title) "Live from New York"?   
  
Rory: Yeah, it's this great history about Saturday Night Live. Starting at the beginning. And it's got all the things you never wanted to know, plus all the good jokes. But it's sad, too, cause I know that Phil Hartman, John Belushi, Chris Farley, and Gilda Radner die. I'm a little worried about that right now.   
  
Dean: You're reading this to the baby?   
  
Rory: (uncertainly) Uh-huh. Is--is that bad?   
  
Dean: Uh, you're reading about drugs and sex and Saturday Night Live to the little baby?   
  
Rory: Uh...it was the only good book I could find in Lorelai's room?   
  
Dean: You're reading it to the baby?   
  
Rory: Yeah. It's not like she understands anything. Right?   
  
Dean: Yeah, I guess not. Although you should probably find something a little more age-appropiate.   
  
Rory: Oh, but it's really good!   
  
Dean: Age-appropiate.   
  
Rory: Fine. I'll just watch a movie.   
  
Dean: Which one?   
  
Rory: Uh, a musical?   
  
Dean: Which one?   
  
Rory: "West Side Story"?   
  
Dean: Nope. Sex and violence.   
  
Rory: Uh..."The Tigger Movie"?   
  
Dean: That'll work.   
  
Rory: Good, an animated movie. I hadn't filled my quota for the week yet. (gets up from the couch to find the movie.) Stay with GiGi.   
  
Dean: GiGi?   
  
Rory: The baby.   
  
Dean: Right, right.   
  
(Rory leaves the room and Dean pulls out a little checklist. Writes what he's saying)   
  
Dean: Number three: Memorize her sister's name!! Which is....(to GiGi) Hey, kid, what's your name?   
  
(GiGi starts crying)   
  
Dean: No, no, don't cry! No, I didn't mean it!! No, please stop crying! (drops his checklist under the couch but doesn't realize it.)   
  
(Rory comes running in from her room)   
  
Rory: What happened? Why's she crying?   
  
Dean: (shrugs) I dunno, she just started.   
  
Rory: I'll go get her bottle. (runs out of the room again)   
  
Dean: Please stop crying. Please, please, little....   
  
Rory: (coming back into the room) It's okay, GiGi, I'm here.   
  
Dean: (to himself) GiGi! Remember that name.   
  
(Rory picks up GiGi and starts giving her a bottle)   
  
Rory: You know, Dean, I don't really need you anymore. Dad said that after her bottle GiGi usually goes to sleep.   
  
Dean: What kind of bottle is that?   
  
Rory: Juice. Dad fixed it and gave it to me before he and Mom left. Which you should think about doing.   
  
Dean: Hey, what are you doing Friday?   
  
Rory: Uh, obligatory Friday dinner, then possibly plans with Jess, not a date with you. Why?   
  
Dean: What are you doing Saturday?   
  
Rory: Nothing so far, but things change. Why?   
  
Dean: Clara's in a play at school.   
  
Rory: Oh, I didn't realize her school was putting on a play.   
  
Dean: They're not. It's a Stars Hollow High production.   
  
Rory: And Clara's in it?   
  
Dean: Yeah, she's playing a younger version of one of the characters.   
  
Rory: Oh, what play is it? What's her part?   
  
Dean: "Great Expectations: The Musical." She's Young Estella.   
  
Rory: They made "Great Expectations" into a musical?   
  
Dean: Clara says it's not very good, but she's got a part and I know she'd love it if you came.   
  
Rory: Yeah, that sounds great! When is it?   
  
Dean: Saturday night, seven-thirty at the gym.   
  
Rory: Okay. We'll be there! See you later!   
  
Dean: "We"?   
  
Rory: Yeah. I'll probably take Jess or Lane or someone.   
  
Dean: Uh, there's dancing! So Lane can't go. And it doesn't sound like something Jess would like.   
  
Rory: Oh, but if we went we could talk later about how horribly they ruined the book. And Lane can go to plays, her mom just usually has to come. Anyway, see you later, shouldn't you be going?   
  
Dean: I thought it was just going to be the two of us.   
  
Rory: Nope, I'll bring someone along with me! See you there!   
  
Dean: I'm not leaving till you say you'll go to Clara's play with me. _Just_ me.   
  
Rory: (sighs) Fine. I'll go to the play with you. But just as friends.   
  
Dean: Sure! Pick you up at seven?   
  
Rory: (sighs) Fine.   
  
Dean: Great! It's a date! (walks out of the room. Rory calls after him)   
  
Rory: No, it's not a d--(the door slams. Rory sighs once again and looks at baby GiGi.) I've got a date with my jealous ex-boyfriend. Oh, won't Jess be thrilled about this?   
  
(Cut to Lorelai walking into Weston's, Chris holds the door for her. When they go to a table, Chris pulls out Lorelai's chair for her.)   
  
Lorelai: Thanks, Chris.   
  
Chris: (big smile) No problem.   
  
Lorelai: So, um, Rory seems to like GiGi a lot.   
  
Chris: Well, she is her half sister.   
  
Lorelai: Yeah.   
  
Chris: She's even acting like her "real" sister, isn't she? This is great! My two girls are acting like sisters!   
  
Lorelai: (hesitantly) Yup.   
  
Chris: I hope they still act like this whatever our--your--decision will be.   
  
Lorelai: Why don't we order first?   
  
Chris: Sure. Hey Kirk! We're ready!   
  
(Kirk comes over in his apron)   
  
Kirk: What'll it be?   
  
Lorelai: Kirk, isn't today a Wednesday?   
  
Kirk: I believe so, yes.   
  
Lorelai: And isn't it 4 o'clock?   
  
Kirk: That's what my clock says, but Mother tells me never trust something that has a face but no eyes.   
  
Lorelai: So it's 4 o'clock on a Wednesday, and you're working at Weston's?   
  
Kirk: In my apron and everything.   
  
Lorelai: Funny, I thought you'd be wearing cover-alls and have a plunger at your waist.   
  
Kirk: I only wear that uniform when I work at Bob's Draining . . . Bob's Draining! I'm supposed to be there! Now!   
  
Kirk: (runs off to the back and throws off his apron) I have to phone Mother to get my cover-alls out. I hoped she cleaned them . . .   
  
Lorelai: Eeeewww!! Kirk, we were hungry and ready to order!   
  
Kirk: I'm sorry Lorelai, but you reminded me that I have to be at my other job. I _knew_ I should have made a timetable.   
  
Lorelai: But who's going to take our order? You're the only one here!   
  
(Kirk's already out the door. He runs across the street, dodging cars and people, yelling,"Has anyone seen my plunger?!")   
  
Lorelai: Great.   
  
Chris: That's okay, we can eat when we get home.   
  
Lorelai: We came here because there's nothing at home.   
  
Chris: Then we'll go to Luke's. I know how much you love that diner.   
  
Lorelai: Yeah, the diner.   
  
Chris: Well, I think we've stalled enough, so, do you want to start, or . . .   
  
Lorelai: How about if you tell me what you want, first?   
  
Chris: Okay. I think it's obvious that I want to be part of your life. And Rory's life. I want to be a good father to GiGi, and a better father to Rory. I've never been good at it, but now, I'm willing to try. I know I could be too late, but Lorelai, if you give me this chance, I think that we could really make it as a family. I love Rory, and GiGi, and you. Please, let me show you that I've changed! I need you Lorelai. I always have.   
  
(Lorelai's eyes are tearing up)   
  
Lorelai: (takes a deep breath) Okay.   
  
Chris: Okay? So we're . . .   
  
Lorelai: We're going to try.   
  
(Chris hugs Lorelai tightly)   
  
Chris: Lor, you don't know how much this means to me!   
  
Lorelai: Probably not, but I know how much this means to Rory. You better not break this promise Chris. We're giving you a second chance. It better be different.   
  
Chris: Believe me, Lorelai. I'll do anything to keep us together.   
  
(They continue hugging as Lorelai looks out the window.)   
  
Lorelai: Uh, I'm starved. Let's go to Luke's, okay?   
  
Chris: Sure! (they start to leave, holding hands) Lor, I really appreciate you giving me the chance to redeem myself.   
  
Lorelai: (softly) Yeah.   
  
(Cut to them walking into Luke's. The only two seats are at the counter)   
  
Lorelai: Huh. It's really busy.   
  
Chris: Yep. Shall we?   
  
Lorelai: Sure. (they walk to the counter. Chris picks up a menu and starts looking.)   
  
Luke: Whaddya want?   
  
Lorelai: Oh, Luke, hey!   
  
Luke: Are you gonna order?   
  
Chris: Mmm, just give me a second. What's on your cheeseburger?   
  
Luke: Cheese.   
  
Chris: Okay.   
  
Lorelai: Uh, Luke, can I talk to you? Alone?   
  
Luke: Why would you want to talk to me?   
  
Lorelai: (softly) Luke, please.   
  
Luke: (sighs) Okay. Take your time, Christopher.   
  
Chris: (still behind menu) Hmm.   
  
Luke: Let's go. (throws his order pad and pen on the counter and leads Lorelai upstairs.)   
  
(Cut to them walking into his apartment. Jess is lying on the couch, reading)   
  
Luke: Jess.   
  
Jess: (looks up and sees the looks on both adults' faces) Oh, uh, I'll just be downstairs. (tucks his book into his back pocket and walks out)   
  
Luke: Okay, we're alone. Talk. (crosses his arm across his chest)   
  
Lorelai: (takes a deep breath) Okay. Look, Luke, I know you're still mad at me about Friday.   
  
Luke: I'm not mad.   
  
Lorelai: Okay, well, you're not thrilled about it, at least. Uh, see, the thing is, Chris....and I....have....   
  
Luke: Spit it out, I gotta get downstairs. It's just Jess and Ceasar against actual people.   
  
Lorelai: Right. Yeah. Uh, Chris and I have...   
  
Luke: Decided he's gonna stay, right?   
  
Lorelai: Uh...   
  
Luke: And you're telling me this because you're afraid I got too attached after the kiss. That damn kiss Friday night on your parents' balcony. You're telling me this so I'll back off, and let you be with the person you actually like. Well, okay, you can be with Christopher if you really want to. I just have one thing to say.   
  
Lorelai: Uh, still?   
  
Luke: Yes, still, and don't talk like that.   
  
Lorelai: Like what?   
  
Luke: With that stupid little sarcastic voice, the one that comes out whenever you're mad, happy, crazy.... That damn voice that always makes me want to grab you and kiss the hell out of you.   
  
Lorelai: (really happy but doesn't want to show it) Really?   
  
Luke: Yes, really. I am capable of feelings, you know. I'm not just an android in flannel.   
  
Lorelai: (laughs) No, I know you're not.   
  
Luke: Yeah. ( looks away for a minute, really mad) What was I saying?   
  
Lorelai: I think you had one thing to say about me and...Chris.   
  
Luke: Yeah. You can go be with him if you want to. And you've known him longer, he's Rory's actual father--you should be with him. I don't care if you go and be with him to see if it works. But the one thing, the very one thing I am not going to stand you doing, is coming and crying to me if it doesn't work out. If it doesn't work out, I don't want to see you at the door at ten-thirty at night, after I've closed up, planning to cry into your coffee. If it doesn't work out with him you can't expect me to take you back just automatically. Not after Friday, not after all the crap you've put me through before. (lets out a breath...he's been talking for a while) I've said my schtick, that's it. I've gotta go make sure Jess and Ceaser haven't ruined the diner yet. (leaves. Lorelai stands in the middle of the apartment for a while, almost crying.)   
  
(And then she does.)   
  
(cut to later that evening. Jess walks into the Stars Hollow bookstore, and finds Rory in the "Young Adult" section.)   
  
Jess: This is a change.   
  
Rory: (turns around) Hmm?   
  
Jess: You're in the "Young Adult" section, when I usually find you over in the "Classics".   
  
Rory: Yeah, well, I just found out that my mom and dad are getting back together, so, I decided that a change of material would do me good.   
  
Jess: How so?   
  
Rory: I don't know. Do you dare question an undecided Gilmore?   
  
Jess: So you're undecdided about your parents getting back together?   
  
Rory: It's just that, I don't know if I can trust my dad after he left us before.   
  
Jess: Oh.   
  
Rory: It's not that I don't love him, I just don't know if he really wants to be with Mom and me, or if we're just his back up.   
  
Jess: At least he's trying.   
  
Rory: Yeah.   
  
(They're both silent for a moment)   
  
Rory: Look at this book I found. (hands him a book)   
  
Jess: "Dancing Naked". Are you trying to tell me something?   
  
Rory: It's about a 16 year old girl who gets pregnant.   
  
Jess: I see a similarity.   
  
Rory: Yeah, but this girl gave up her baby for adoption.   
  
Jess: So, is it a good book?   
Rory: Very good. But she falls in love with a gay guy, so it's kind of bitter-sweet.   
  
Jess: Are you saying that Luke is gay?   
  
Rory: Are you saying that my mom's in love with Luke?   
  
Jess: I don't know, is she?   
  
Rory: (sighs) If she was, would she be with my dad?   
  
Jess: Well, I've got something to cheer you up.   
  
Rory: Really?   
  
Jess: Yeah. This Saturday, Kelly Easton is having a book signing in New York.   
  
Rory: She published a story in "The Conneticut Review"! I have to see her!   
  
Jess: It's a date then.   
  
(Rory hugs him, but then realizes something and lets go)   
  
Jess: What is it?   
  
Rory: (looking down) This Saturday, Clara's in a play at the high school, and Dean asked me if I wanted to watch with him.   
  
Jess: (sighs) Oh.   
  
Rory: I didn't want to go with _him_, I said that I wanted to bring you, or Lane, but he wouldn't leave until I said I'd go with him, but I don't want to, and now . . .   
  
Jess: He wouldn't leave?   
  
Rory: I was babysitting GiGi, and he showed up at the door.   
  
Jess: And he insisted that you go with him.   
  
Rory: I don't have to sit with him. I haven't seen Clara in a while, and she still wants to be my friend, and . . .   
  
Jess: It's okay.   
  
Rory: It is?   
  
Jess: My girlfriend's just going to go on a date with her jealous ex, but I'm fine with it.   
  
Rory: It won't be a date. It's not a date. It's just a play.   
  
Jess: I guess Kelly will have to wait.   
  
Rory: I'm going to make it up to you.   
  
Jess: How?   
  
Rory: I don't know. Have any ideas?   
  
Jess: Just one.   
  
(Jess leans in and they start kissing. Rory stops.)   
  
Rory: When I get back, there will be a lot more of that.   
  
Jess: If you insist.   
  
(They start kissing again.)   
  
(The scene freezes--mid Jess-and-Rory kiss--and goes black and white. The Twilight Zone Theme begins playing and Kirk walks on. (Surprised? yeah, us too!))   
  
Kirk: (looking at Jess and Rory) Aww. How cute. Okay, questions! Whoo! You know, I gotta tell you, this is my favorite part of the show. This wonderful song, I'm in black and white, all attention's on me.... This is great!! So, what was I doing? Oh, yeah. Questions. (clears his throat) What will happen on Dean and Rory's non-date? Is it really a non-date, or just a date? Will Lorelai work up the courage to tell Luke that she likes him too, not just Chris? Are Rory and Lorelai just Chris' back-up? Will Chris _ever_ leave? I gotta tell ya, he's wearing out his welcome, and probably someone else's. Will Clara blow her part in a high-school play? Will she chicken out on her kiss? Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, Clara has to kiss...a boy!!! In front of people!!! Will she chicken out? Will Lane and Dave and Brian and Zach ever get a love song? Or a band name? Will Rory like the end of "Live From New York"? Will she lend it to me? Why was Dean so forgetful at Rory's house? I mean it, how hard is it to remember "GiGi"? Will someone find Dean's evil boyfriend checklist before he realizes it's gone? Will Lorelai ever drink tea again? Is Kelly Easton related to Sheena E.? (sings) "I think we're alone now. They're doesn't seem to be anyone around." (speaks) No, wait, that's the red-head. What's her name? Debbie Gibson? No, Debbie sings "Shake Your Love." (sings) "Shake your love, I just can't shake your love..." (starts to walk off, but comes back on) Oh, yeah. The answers to these questions, plus lotsa other questions and answers that probably won't match up next time on...whatever this show is called. "Outer Limits", "Gilmore Zone", "Quantum Leap", something. (walks off singing "Shake Your Love". Luke walks on)   
  
Luke: (sings) "Shake Your Love, I just can't shake your love. Shake your love, I just can't shake your love." (looks up. speaks) What? It's a catchy tune. (walks off) 


	5. All The World's A Stage

Disclaimer: We do not own Gilmore Girls. At all. If GG was Point A, we'd be Point Z. That's how far we are from Gilmore Girls. Sad, isn't it?  
  
A/N: Wow! Thanks for all the great reviews! You guys are the best! Please keep reviewing, because they make our day! And for all you Java Junkies out there . . .  
  
Don't worry! Have you ever known Luke to just sit back? As long as there's a Kirk to scare, there'll be a Luke. So just lie back, relax, and enjoy the show. Er, story.  
  
Apple-ology! We are so sorry for our LONG (and I mean LONG) absence, but, you know, such is life. Especially a busy life. Anywho, we are sorry for keeping you waiting this long, but we come bearing a gift! (The story!) Enjoy!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Chapter 5: All the World's a Stage  
(Cut to Luke's apartment. Jess and Luke are there. Jess is putting on his watch.)  
  
Jess: I'm going out.  
  
Luke: Where?  
  
Jess: Rory's.  
  
Luke: Why?  
  
Jess: We have this thing, where we pick flowers and do each other's hair.  
  
Luke: Have fun.  
  
Jess: I'll be back soon, though.  
  
Luke: That's a first.  
  
Jess: Rory's going to that play at the highschool.  
  
Luke: Why aren't you go-  
  
Jess: (interrupting Luke) She's going with Dean.  
  
Luke: What?! Did you two have a fight? Did you break up with her?!  
  
Jess: Calm down. His sister's in it, or something.  
  
Luke: Do you trust her?  
  
Jess: (sarcastically) No, that's why I'm letting her do this.  
  
Luke: You know, there's a limit on how much you can trust a person before sh-, they stab you in the back.  
  
Jess: Thanks, that really helps.  
  
Luke: I mean, one minute, you think everything's fine. Fantastic even. But then someone just happens to show up and ruin everything.  
  
Jess: Are we still talking about me, here?  
  
Luke: Never mind all those times you've helped he-, them out. They still run into someone else's arms.  
  
Jess: I don't see what this has to do wi-  
  
Luke: (interrupting Jess) Jess, life's a pain in the butt. You know that? You try to be the nice guy, but they always fall for someone else.  
  
Jess: When have I ever tried to be nice?  
  
Luke: My point is: Don't trust anyone. The more you trust, the more you open yourself to the world and all its harshness.  
  
Jess: Luke, I learned that in New York. But then I met Rory, and, things changed.  
  
Luke: Yeah, Rory. There's no one else like Rory, so you better feel grateful that she's with you.  
  
Jess: That really boosted my self-confidence. (Jess opens the door, but turns around to talk to Luke.) There is someone else like Rory. Probably because they share the same genes.  
  
(Jess leaves, and Luke sighs.)  
  
(Cut to the Gilmore home. Chris, Rory, Lorelai, and GiGi are all in the living room. Chris is playing with GiGi, Lorelai is half watching them warily, half watching the TV, and Rory is sitting on the edge of her seat, staring at the clock. There's a knock on the door and Rory leaps from the couch.)  
  
Rory: That's Jess! (runs to greet him)  
  
Chris: Is that healthy?  
  
Lorelai: Huh?  
  
Chris: Is it good that she's so excited to see him?  
  
Lorelai: I think it's good that he's here for her to see.  
  
Chris: Oh.  
  
Lorelai: Yeah.  
  
(Rory and Jess walk into the room.)  
  
Lorelai: Hey, Jess.  
  
Jess: (nods) Miss Gilmore. Mr. Hayden.  
  
Chris: What? Oh, me. Hi.  
  
Jess: Hi.  
  
(Chris turns back to GiGi; Lorelai smiles at the teenagers, who stand there uncomfortably.)  
  
Lorelai: Uh, Chris, honey?  
  
Chris: Yeah?  
  
Lorelai: Why don't we go upstairs for a little while.  
  
Chris: Why?  
  
Lorelai: You'll have to see when we get there. Bring GiGi. (starts to leave. Chris follows her. They run up the stairs, and Rory and Jess start to kiss. Then Lorelai runs back downstairs) We're giving you privacy, but not too much. I'm coming down here in eight minutes, and I'm going to look for something. I'll spare you the horror of Chris doing it, and I'll try to be subtle.  
  
Rory: Thanks, Mom.  
  
Lorelai: You're welcome, sweetie. (smiles and leaves)  
  
Jess: So, shall we?  
  
Rory: Let's. (they kiss)  
  
(Cut to upstairs. Lorelai's room. Chris is lying on Lorelai's bed, reading something, while Lorelai is sitting next to him, watching GiGi sleeping in her play pen.)  
  
Lorelai: Chris?  
  
Chris: Hmm?  
  
Lorelai: Do you really think we can do this?  
  
Chris: 'This'?  
  
Lorelai: (finally looks at him) Be a family. You, me, Rory. GiGi.  
  
Chris: I think if we try hard enough, we can do anything.  
  
Lorelai: Is being a family supposed to be hard?  
  
Chris: I'd be worried if it was easy. You didn't come from an easy household, did you?  
  
Lorelai: No. But I always thought Rory would.  
  
Chris: Without a normal family?  
  
Lorelai: Normal's overrated.  
  
Chris: Yeah, I guess it is.  
  
Lorelai: Yeah.  
  
Chris: I really do love you, Lor.  
  
Lorelai: I know. (they begin kissing) Mmm, just wait.  
  
Chris: Where are you going?  
  
Lorelai: It's been 8 minutes.  
  
(Lorelai is heard saying from downstairs,"Oh, there's the camera! You never know when babies do something cute.")  
  
(Cut to Rory and Jess kissing on her couch in the living room. Rory's watch beeps to signal it's 7:00pm)  
  
Rory: That's the sign that Dean will be here in 10 minutes to pick me up.  
  
Jess: More like an omen.  
  
Rory: You better get going. We wouldn't want you two to meet, now would we?  
  
Jess: I'm okay with you going to this thing with him. Sort of. But does he have to pick you up? Stars Hollow High is only a block from here.  
  
Rory: I didn't want to argue with him; I just wanted him to leave. But, if it's any consolation, he's the one wasting gas.  
  
Jess: Yes, that does make me feel much better.  
  
Rory: Come on, up.  
  
(She pulls him up, but he pulls her into another kiss. It lasts for a while.)  
  
Rory: Okay, now I only have 5 minutes to get ready.  
  
Jess: You don't have to look all pretty for him. In fact, I insist you don't.  
  
Rory: Reminder: this is not a date. I just don't want to look like I've been making out with my boyfriend for the past hour.  
  
Jess: But you have.  
  
Rory: Exactly.  
  
Jess: Fine, but you do remember the promise you made of "making it up to me"?  
  
Rory: Yes, because you get so lonely without me.  
  
Jess: I wait by the phone everyday, just hoping you'll call.  
  
Rory: It's cute when you're pathetic.  
  
Jess: Yeah?  
  
Rory: Yeah.  
  
(She smiles, and he tries to kiss her again, but she dodges out of the way.)  
  
Rory: Jess, Dean's going to be here any minute.  
  
Jess: Okay, okay. I know when I'm not wanted.  
  
(Rory opens the door to find Dean holding a bouquet of flowers)  
  
Jess: (whispers to Rory) Not a date?  
  
Rory: Dean? Why did you-  
  
Dean: These are for you.(thrusts the flowers in her hands)  
  
Rory: Thanks, but we're only going to a play.  
  
Dean: Yes, WE (stresses this word and looks at Jess) are.  
  
Jess: Rory, when does it end?  
  
Dean: Oh, not for a very, VERY, long time.  
  
Rory: 9:30.  
  
Jess: So I'll see you at the diner later?  
  
Rory: Yup.  
  
(She begins to kiss him goodybye. Dean coughs to get their attention.)  
  
Dean: We better leave now if we want good seats. I brought my car.  
  
Rory: Okay. Bye, Jess!  
  
Jess: Bye, Rory.  
  
Dean: (smiling) Don't worry, Jess. I'll be a good boy.  
  
Jess: I find that hard to believe.  
  
(Dean puts his arm around Rory as they are walking to his car, but she slides out and waves to Jess. He waves back.)  
  
Jess: (to himself) Why did I let her do this again?  
  
(Cut to Dean and Rory walking up to Stars Hollow High. Dean throws his arm over Rory's shoulder, but she wriggles out of it. He tries to do it again, but just as they walk into the gym, Rory spots someone she knows and runs over to her)  
  
Rory: Lane! (the following is obviously rehearsed, because it's all very fake) What are you doing here?  
  
Lane: Oh, I heard about the play. In SCHOOL. And I thought it might be interesting. What are YOU doing here?  
  
Rory: Oh, I'm just here to see CLARA FORESTER. You know, she's got a part in a HIGH-SCHOOL play.  
  
Lane: Wow. How exciting!  
  
(Dean kind of slumps his shoulders and walks away dejectedly. Lane and Rory start talking normally.)  
  
Lane: You think it worked?  
  
Rory: I hope it did. The entire ride here he kept babbling about taking me to Woodbury to see "The Two Towers" again.  
  
Lane: Ugh. Orlando Bloom's cute and all, but not enough to sit through the movie more than twice.  
  
Rory: I know. Oh, I shouldn't have come.  
  
Lane: Hey, at least you got me here.  
  
Rory: Thank you for this.  
  
Lane: Oh, it's okay. Dave's coming to see Clara, too. (she giggles)  
  
Rory: Ooh, Lane!  
  
Lane: Yeah, I know.  
  
Rory: Is your mom here?  
  
Lane: No, thank God. I told her I'd be home at nine, though.  
  
Rory: It's over at nine-thirty.  
  
Lane: I know. Dave and I are going to sneak out at intermission.  
  
Rory: Boy, you're turning into a regular rebel!  
  
Lane: Yeah.  
  
(the lights dim, come back up, dim, come back up again. Dean walks back over)  
  
Dean: Time to sit down!  
  
Rory: Oh, can we sit with Lane and Dave? That way it won't look like she and Dave are *actually* sitting together.  
  
Dean: Uh, okay.  
  
Rory: Cool. (She and Lane walk ahead of Dean to four seats together. Dean follows them slowly, trying to see the seating arrangements. Rory and Lane sit next to each other, and as Dave comes over, he sits next to Rory, so that she's sitting in the middle. Dean sadly sits next to Dave. Just as the lights dim for real, Lane and Rory switch seats, so Lane and Dave are sitting in between Dean and Rory. Dean doesn't notice)  
  
(Cut to the Gilmore house. Lorelai is sitting on the couch, staring at the playpen on the other side of the room. GiGi is sleeping away peacefully. Chris says something from the kitchen, startling Lorelai)  
  
Lorelai: What?  
  
Chris: (enters) I said, do you want me to get you some coffee?  
  
Lorelai: Yeah.  
  
Chris: For in the morning?  
  
Lorelai: Mmm, no, now's good.  
  
Chris: You're all out.  
  
Lorelai: What? (hops up from the couch and into the kitchen. Chris glances at GiGi once, and then follows Lor into the kitchen. She's frantically searching through cabinets. She finally gives up and sags against the counter.) We have no coffee. Oh, I'll get that caffiene-glugging daughter of mine.  
  
Chris: Are you sure it wasn't you?  
  
Lorelai: No, only Rory would drink all the coffee and not put up a huge sign declaring "There is no coffee! Get more!!"  
  
(Chris shakes his head and hands her a note)  
  
Lorelai: (reading the note) "There is no coffee. Get more." Huh.  
  
Chris: (laughs) So do you want me to get you some coffee?  
  
Lorelai: Yes, but hurry up, man! Doose's closes in half-an-hour!  
  
Chris: Okay, okay. Do we need anything else?  
  
Lorelai: Yeah, everything. Oh, and--(starts going through cabinets again. Comes up with a box of Pop-Tarts. She takes the last package out, throws the box away, and rips into the package. Through a mouthful)Pop-Tarts.  
  
Chris: (laughs) Okay, Pop-Tarts, coffee, and. . .  
  
Lorelai: Everything.  
  
Chris: Everything. Okay, I'll be right back. (kisses Lor on the head and starts for the door)  
  
Lorelai: Mmm, aren't you forgetting the baby? The cute, little, itty bitty baby?  
  
Chris: She's sleeping, I should leave her alone.  
  
Lorelai: Right.  
  
Chris: I'll be back in a little while. If she wakes up--  
  
Lorelai: Which she won't do, right?  
  
Chris: Probably not  
  
..  
  
Lorelai: Chris, I haven't handled a little baby by myself for eighteen years! And Rory could talk back even then!  
  
Chris: Don't worry, Lor, you'll be okay.  
  
Lorelai: (uncertainly) Okay.  
  
Chris: If she wakes up--which she probably won't do--there's a bottle in the fridge. Give it to her.  
  
Lorelai: Give her the bottle. Got it.  
  
Chris: Okay. I'll be back in mere minutes.  
  
Lorelai: It best be mere minutes. If it's any more than mere minutes, you'll be hanging on for dear life! (Chris just kind of stares at her) Sounded better in my head.  
  
Chris: Ah. Be right back. (he kisses her and leaves. She uncertainly walks back into the living room. GiGi is still sleeping.)  
  
Lorelai: (whispers) If you wake up, I'm in trouble. You're Sherry's kid--no offense, but you can't be that smart. Or interesting. Yet. But don't worry. That's what I'm for.  
  
(GiGi yawns and Lorelai stiffens. Luckily GiGi just turns over. Lorelai sighs and sinks onto the couch. A squeak ensues from under her butt.)  
  
Lorelai: What the hell? (pulls a green squeaky ball from under her) Green. Figures. (Then Lorelai spots another green ball on the table.) Hmm. (she picks up the second ball and stands up, holding one ball in one hand, one in the other.) Hey, I've got green balls! (laughs) Oh, I slay me. (serious now, she moves the balls up and down, weighing them. After a minute, she makes a decision and throws the left one in the air. She tries to catch it in her right hand while moving the ball in that hand to the left hand. She doesn't succeed and the ball bounces onto the couch cushions.) Oh, I dropped my ball! (laughs again, and then tries to juggle. She makes a few successful moves, but many more mess-ups. Then one ball falls from the couch and rolls underneath it. Lorelai sets the second ball on the table and gets down on her hands and knees) Oh, I hope I don't get killed by anything under here. (reaches one hand under the couch, not looking. She roots around and finally her hand rests on something) Got ya! (pulls out a notepad.) This is not a ball. (sets the notepad on the couch and continues rooting under the couch. As she's rooting, she's looking at the notepad) That doesn't look like one of Rory's. Maybe it's Chris'. Ooh, ball! (she pulls the ball from under the couch, stands up, and throws the ball in the air, a victory throw. It falls onto the notepad on the couch) Damn. Now I can't even catch one. (goes to pick up the ball, but finally notices the handwriting in the corner of the notepad cover) It reads:  
  
"This belongs to Dean Forester, for his intents and purposes only. ONLY. And no, just because you wrote this Kirk, it doesn't mean you can read it."  
  
Lorelai: Dean? What is Dean's notebook doing here? (picks it up and sits in its place on the couch. She flips through the notebook, and near the end she notices a list that catches her eye.) Ooh, purple ink! Dean's got good taste. Hey, maybe he *is* gay. Nah. (reads the following):  
  
DEAN'S LIST  
  
1) Confront the situation (That would be Jess and Rory) [check]  
  
2) Befriend Rory again. (Easy as pie. Lunch with pie. Or just a conversation at a bench.) [check]  
  
3) Remember sister's name! (this is important, because she might ask you!) GIGI GIGI GIGI GIGI GIGI GIGI GIGI GIGI GIGI GIGI GIGI [check]  
  
4) Make competition look bad, thus adults mad. Not "Taylor Getting Angry" mad. "LORELAI Getting Angry" mad.  
  
5) Comfort Rory when she's sad about break-up. (Can't wait for this part!)  
  
6) Move in on rightful territory.  
  
7) Become Rory's boyfriend again.  
  
8) Make sure Jess doesn't interfere.  
  
9) Make ham sandwich. (Can't plot on an empty stomach!)  
  
10)Take Rory to watch "The Two Towers". She loves Lord Of the Rings! Or was it Lord of the Flies? Was that a book? hhmm . . .  
  
**Just for good measure**  
  
TRY TO READ MORE BOOKS! (Or at least magazines)  
  
Lorelai: Oh, my God! Oh, that floppy-haired fiend is going *down!*  
  
(Cut to halfway through the first act of the play. A large table, stopped clocks, and a swivel chair with its back to the audience are on the stage. A young boy, around Clara's age, with brown curly hair, is standing next to the chair. This is Ben as Young Pip. Clara as Young Estella, dressed in a beautiful late 1800s dress, is standing next to him. They speak in really bad half-there British accents.)  
  
Young Pip: Will I. . . Will I see you again when I return?  
  
Young Estella: Do you want to, boy?  
  
Pip: (after a pause) I think so, yes.  
  
Estella: You may kiss me if you like, boy. (offers her cheek. Pip hesitates, makes a face, and touches his lips agains her cheek. Estella turns and slaps him immediately, a look of distaste on her face too.) How dare you, boy? A coarse and common boy. Go ahead and cry. CRY! You want to. Why don't you?  
  
Pip: I don't want to. You can never make me cry.  
  
Estella: Oh, can't I? We'll see. Go on now. Run along home.  
  
(Pip runs off and the lights dim. Rory, Lane, Dave, and Dean all cheer uproariously)  
  
(Cut to the end of the play. Rory and Dean walk backstage to greet Clara. Lane and Dave have already left.)  
  
Rory: (hugs Clara) That was great! You were wonderful!  
  
Clara: Thanks. (to Dean) Can we go now?  
  
Dean: Sure, we can go. (they start walking out the door)  
  
Rory: What about your costume?  
  
Clara: Oh, it's mine. I get to keep it.  
  
Rory: Cool.  
  
Clara: It's ugly, though.  
  
Rory: No, I think it's very. . . vintage. Like, very *very* vintage.  
  
Clara: You like it?  
  
Rory: Yeah, a lot.  
  
Clara: Maybe I will keep it.  
  
Rory: (smiles) Okay.  
  
Clara: Hey, have you read the book? "Great Expectations"?  
  
Rory: Yeah. I loved it.  
  
Clara: Me too! But how stupid is it that they didn't use the whole scene where Molly tries to strangle Estella in the play? That would have been fun to do.  
  
Rory: Yeah, I bet it would have.  
  
Clara: I'm just glad I didn't have to kiss Ben on the lips. He's so stupid. He kept laughing in rehearsals.  
  
Rory: That's boys for you. It takes 'em a while to warm up to kissing, but by the time you both want to do it--it's very fun.  
  
Clara: Just as long as it's not with Ben.  
  
(Rory laughs.)  
  
(Dean drops Rory off at the door. Clara's waiting in his car.)  
  
Dean: See? Wasn't that fun? And without Jess, it was even funner.  
  
Rory: Uh, yeah. Thanks, Dean. Tell Clara she did a great job.  
  
Dean: Was Jess mad?  
  
Rory: What?  
  
Dean: When you told him you were going to the play with me, was he mad?  
  
Rory: I don't think it was any of your business, but he was understanding.  
  
Dean: Oh. He wasn't even a little bit mad?  
  
Rory: He knows you and I are JUST FRIENDS. (She stresses the last part)  
  
Dean: 'Cause it would be like him to throw a fit. Oh my. . . did he hit you?  
  
Rory: Dean, that's crazy. Jess would never hit me. I had a good time, so don't ruin the evening, okay?  
  
Dean: Date.  
  
Rory: (sighs) What?  
  
Dean: This was a date, you agreed!  
  
Rory: I went out with a friend.  
  
Dean: Does Jess know it was a date?  
  
Rory: You know what, Dean? I'm really tired. I'll see you around.  
  
Dean: Sure, Rory.  
  
(Dean leans in to kiss her. Again. Rory backs away. Little do they know that Lorelai was watching their entire conversation through the window. She suddenly opens the door.)  
  
Lorelai: Rory, GiGi's crying, and I think she wants you. Why don't you go inside?  
  
Rory: Oh, uh yeah, sure. (She passes Lorelai and whispers,"Thanks.")  
  
(Dean turns away to go back to the car, but Lorelai stops him.)  
  
Lorelai: Oh, and Dean?  
  
Dean: Yeah?  
  
Lorelai: Next time you come over, make sure you remember what you brought.  
  
Dean: What?  
  
(Lorelai throws his notebook at him)  
  
Lorelai: The whole "Jealous Ex" bit is old. Give it up.  
  
(Lorelai is about to close the door, when Dean stops her.)  
  
Dean: Please don't tell Rory about the list. I just started being her friend again, I don't want to end it because of something I wrote a long time ago.  
  
Lorelai: I won't tell her now, but if you start to get in the way of her and Jess's relationship, I'm going to have to personally kick your ass. Got it?  
  
(Lorelai closes the door.)  
  
Dean: (as he walks back to the car) Yeah, I got it. (He has an evil grin on his face.)  
  
(Cut to a little later in the evening. Lorelai is patting GiGi on the back, trying to burp her. Rory is putting her jacket on and heads for the front door.)  
  
Rory: Mom? I'm just going to go to the diner and see Jess for a bit, okay?  
  
Lorelai: You say "bit", but we both know, you mean an hour.  
  
Rory: I went on a date/thing with my ex boyfriend. Don't you think I owe Jess something?  
  
Lorelai: Bake him a pie, guys love pies.  
  
Rory: I don't know how to cook. (kisses GiGi on the cheek) Bye!  
  
Lorelai: Are you sure you trust me with this baby? I haven't burped someone for 16 years! Unless you count the Halloween party of '97.  
  
Rory: And the Christmas Eve bash of '98.  
  
Lorelai: Oh! Oh! And the Easter Egg Hunt of '99!  
  
Rory: Yeah. You'd think Kirk would learn after the first incident.  
  
Lorelai: Rory, he's KIRK.  
  
Rory: True, true. Okay, bye!  
  
Lorelai: Ugh. This is how you're leaving your aging mother? I swear, by this time tomorrow, I'll be in an old folks home.  
  
Rory: I'll visit you as often as I can.  
  
Lorelai: That's what they all say.  
  
(Rory leaves. GiGi suddenly burps, and her spit falls on Lorelai's shoulder.)  
  
Lorelai: (sighs) (To GiGi) At least I'm burping YOU, and not a full grown man this time  
  
(Cut to the diner. Jess just finished locking up when Rory knocks on the door. Jess smiles and opens it.)  
  
Jess: I'm sorry, but we're closed.  
  
Rory: I didn't want FOOD.  
  
(She smiles and they share a long kiss)  
  
Jess: So, how was the play?  
  
Rory: Good.  
  
(She leans in to kiss him again. Jess pulls back,)  
  
Jess: Whoa. What's the rush?  
  
Rory: I just missed you.  
  
(She leans in again, but Jess pulls back again.)  
  
Jess: Hold that thought.  
  
(Jess goes behind the counter and pulls out a book)  
  
Jess: (reading the title) "The Life History of a Star" by . . .  
  
Rory: Kelly Easton! You went to her book signing!  
  
Jess: Yup. And here's her autograph.  
  
Rory: Thank you, thank you, thank you!  
  
(Jess leans in this time, but Rory backs away)  
  
Rory: Now you know how it feels.  
  
Jess: Yes, I've learned my lesson. (pause) Now we kiss.  
  
Rory: Okay, if you INSIST.  
  
(They kiss again, this time longer. Unbeknownst that Dean is watching from the gazeebo with binoculars.)  
  
Rory: Do I still owe you?  
  
Jess: One more, and we'll call it even.  
  
(They kiss again, and this time Dean writes something down on his notepad)  
  
Jess: Want to go upstairs and . . .  
  
Luke: (From upstairs) Listen to music!  
  
Jess(To Luke): We wouldn't DARE do anything else!  
  
Rory: Come on.  
  
(She leads Jess up the stairs. We hear the door slam shut. And then . . .)  
  
Luke: Damnit, Jess! I said MUSIC!  
  
(A second later, music is heard . . . but that doesn't mean they were listening to it!)  
  
(Cut to the gazeebo where Dean was hiding.)  
  
Dean: (reading off his list) She came at 9:45, they kissed at 9:46, FLIRTED for 5 minutes, kissed again at 9:52, and went upstairs at 9:53. At 9:54: she's still up there.  
  
9:55: still up there.  
  
9:56: " "  
  
9:57: " "  
  
9:58: " "  
  
9:59: " "  
  
10:00: " "  
  
What the hell are they doing up there?!  
  
(Dean sighs and picks up his things.)  
  
Dean: Soon enough, Dean. Soon enough.  
  
(He leaves the gazeebo. The scene freezes, goes black and white, the Twilight Zone theme starts playing, and *duhn-dun-dun!* Kirk walks on. Surprise!)  
  
Kirk: Why hasn't anyone killed evil "Jealous Ex" Dean yet? Dammit, the whole thing's getting old, just like Lorelai said! Lorelai's a very smart woman, in some ways. Hopefully she'll learn a few things before our next edition, such as what a family truly is, just how overrated normal is, and how to leave notes for everyone. Of course, no one can read her notes. Anyway, Dean's stupid, Lorelai's sometimes wise...Jess and Rory are nice and sickly sweet, GiGi has green balls that Lorelai likes to juggle, Luke's suffering, and Chris is happily oblivious. I think. I'm not sure, though, because, as of yet, I don't know how to get inside someone's head. I'll try harder, though. Anyway, actual questions. Wait, can I change the music? No? Okay. (clears throat) What is Dean planning? When is Luke going to profess his feelings for Lorelai? Will he? Did he already and we just missed it? Will Lorelai ever learn what a family is? Will she ever learn how to juggle? Is Chris actually oblivious, or just stupid? Is everyone happy? Does Rory owe Jess anything else? Were they actually listening to music? If so, what was it? I'm trying to learn new songs, I'm hoping to get "The Kirk Gleason Five" back together. But I don't know if I can, because the other four members formed a barbershop quartet called, "we'll cut your hair for a dollar." I feel so alone. I'll feel better if you join me again, for another exciting part of "The Gilmore Zone!" Duhn-dun-dun. Woo-oo-oo-oo! Bye. (runs off the side of the screen. The barbershop quartet "We'll cut your hair for a dollar" walks on, singing.)  
  
"We'll Cut Your Hair For A Dollar": (sings) It's not the Gilmore Zone, it's the Outer Limits of the Gilmore Zone.  
  
Baritone: Outer Limits of Gilmore Zone.  
  
Quartet: Outer Limits of the Gilmore Zone.  
  
Falsetto Guy: Whoo whoo whoo whoo, outer limits, Gilmore zone....  
  
Quartet: (finale) Outer Limiiits of the Giiilmooore Zoooooone!  
  
Baritone: Gilmore Zone. 


	6. Fortunes For YOU

A/N: You know what, Seehoo?  
  
What, Samantha?  
  
Last chapter we forgot to mention something about the play that Clara was in.  
  
Oh, really? What?  
  
That *I* was in a play just like it. Except I wasn't Young Estella.  
  
Oh, of course not.  
  
Yeah, she was played by a fifth grader.  
  
Right.  
  
I was Biddy.  
  
Really? Young or old?  
  
Oh....Uh...(whispers) old.  
  
You were an old biddy? (giggles)  
  
It's not funny!  
  
Yes it is!!  
  
No it's not! (runs off crying)  
  
Samantha! I'm sorry! No, actually, I'm not. Anyway, read the story. Samantha! (runs off after her)  
  
P.S. Samantha was found, safe and sound, and she was bragging again before long. Unfortunately, she was somehow knocked unconscious, and will be unable to brag for almost 24 hours. It's so tragic.  
  
Oh yeah! The disclaimer! See? This thing is so pointless (because we all know we own nothing) that it's forgotten easily. So, here it is:  
  
WE OWN NOTHING  
  
(Nothing meaning: NO GILMORE GIRLS![And their boyfriends, sadly])  
  
Chapter 6: Fortunes For YOU!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
(Open on Jess and Rory sitting on the bridge)  
  
Jess: A movie night?  
  
Rory: Uh-huh.  
  
Jess: With your parents?  
  
Rory: Well, yeah.  
  
Jess: And us.  
  
Rory: That's the idea.  
  
Jess: Huh .  
  
Rory: It'll give you and my mom a chance to not hate each other, and it'll give her and my dad a chance to do something normal, and...it's just a nice thing we should do.  
  
Jess: Huh.  
  
Rory: It's not that hard, and I'll try to make sure that Mom doesn't pick out an insanely girly chick flick.  
  
Jess: So something only mildly girly?  
  
Rory: Mmm, depends on what you think about "Boys on the Side."  
  
Jess: That's a total chick flick. That's practically Lifetime movie chick flick.  
  
Rory: (smiles) Good. At least the movie's settled.  
  
Jess: So a movie night with your parents .  
  
Rory: Yep.  
  
Jess: One movie.  
  
Rory: Yep.  
  
Jess: Fine.  
  
Rory: Really?  
  
Jess: Yep.  
  
Rory: You won't regret it.  
  
Jess: And if I do?  
  
Rory: I'll make it up to you.  
  
Jess: You better. (they kiss)  
  
(Cut to Dean pacing outside the front of a tent. He suddenly stops, takes a deep breath, opens the tent, and enters. We see a sign that says "Madame Fortunata: Fortunes for YOU!" before cutting to Dean inside the tent. He stands awkwardly near the opening, staring at the crazy psychic who's sitting on the other side of the table, eyes closed)  
  
Dean: Uh, hi.  
  
Crazy Psychic Lady (AKA Madame Fortunata): Sit, child of God.  
  
Dean: Uh, okay. (sits) I'm here because-  
  
Madame Fortunata: (opens her eyes) I know why you are here, Dean.  
  
Dean: Wow.... How'd you know my name?  
  
Madame Fortunata: I am Madame Fortunata. I know these things. And you're wearing a nametag.  
  
Dean: Oh. Well, I've got a problem.  
  
Madame Fortunata: And it involves a girl. A very pretty girl.  
  
Dean: Yeah. How'd you know?  
  
Madame Forunata: Because I do. Now, explain your troubles. (takes Dean's hand and looks into the crystal ball in the middle of the table)  
  
Dean: Well, there's this girl. She should really be with me, but she's with someone else.  
  
Madame: Someone besides you? Is she insane?  
  
Dean: I think the guy she's with is making her be with him, somehow.  
  
Madame: Ah. And you wish to bring her to her senses?  
  
Dean: Yes.  
  
Madame: All right. Well then, (looks at Dean's nametag) Dean, let's just see what the girl thinks about all this, shall we? (looks into crystal ball again) Hmm. It seems that she does like you.  
  
Dean: I knew it! I knew Rory couldn't like Jess.  
  
Madame: Yes, I believe Rory does like you. And I also believe this Jess will recieve his come-uppance.  
  
Dean: Oh. You got a dictionary?  
  
Madame: (annoyed) He'll get what's coming to him. (sarcastic) God, I have faith in the country's public school system.  
  
Dean: (proud and lost) Well, thanks.  
  
Madame: Yeah. So, you live not far from here?  
  
Dean: Stars Hollow.  
  
Madame: Hmm. Have you perhaps seen a horse, kind of big, white, lots of gray spots?  
  
Dean: Uh, no.  
  
Madame: (to herself) Damn. VAW seems to be forever lost.  
  
Dean: What?  
  
Madame: (happily) Never mind! Let's get back to the crystal ball reading, shall we?  
  
Dean: Uh, okay.  
  
Madame: Uh-huh. (looks into the crystal ball) You shall be rich and famous. That'll be ten bucks, please. Have a good day!  
  
Dean: Uh...  
  
Madame: Ten bucks, dammit! I gotta eat!  
  
Dean: Okay, calm down! (hands her a ten) Bye.  
  
Madame: (calm once again) Goodbye, child of God. Go in peace. (she holds her hands together in a prayerful position; Dean looks weirdly at her, shakes his head, and leaves)  
(cut to a typical Stars Hollow day. Taylor's showing off Ralphy, Miss Patty's teaching a dance class outside, Lorelai and Chris are kissing in the gazebo, and someone walks into the diner . . .)  
  
(Luke is working in the empty diner. Kirk is their only customer. Luke is wiping a table when the bell chimes.)  
  
Person: I guess you're not with Lorelai afterall?  
  
Luke: (turns around) What? (He notices this person is RACHEL and smiles) Hey!  
  
(They hug)  
  
Rachel: About that Lorelai thing, I just assumed you'd be with her right now, but I saw (she waves her hand to the gazebo) . . .  
  
Luke: They've been doing that the whole morning.  
  
Rachel: Aren't you upset that she's practically making out with someone who is not you, in front of the diner?  
  
Luke: Let's not talk about me. What about you? Wha-how-why . . . how did y- . .  
  
Rachel: (laughing) I'll explain in a more private place.  
  
(She and Luke look at Kirk.)  
  
Kirk: I'm sorry miss, but the diner is open for the PUBLIC. Luke's apartment, however is private.  
  
Luke: Uh, Rachel? Do you want to talk in my apartment?  
  
Rachel: Sure.  
  
(They start walking up the stairs, then Luke calls out,"Jess! Watch the diner!")  
  
(Cut to Lorelai and Chris in the gazeebo. They've just finished kissing, and they're out of breath.)  
  
Lorelai: That was a nice wake up call. (Chris smiles and moves in for another kiss. Lorelai just notices her surroundings and moves out of the way.) We were making out in front of Luke's! I can't believe I--WE did that!  
  
Chris: I'm sure he doesn't mind. Kirk's the only one in there, and I get the feeling he liked watching us. Which creeps me out .  
  
Lorelai: No, Chris--we have to go home. Rory can't watch GiGi forever! And, uh, I'm still sleepy.  
  
Chris: I thought this was your wake up?  
  
Lorelai: It was, but you know me! I need sleep! So, let's go!  
  
(Lorelai practically drags Chris back home)  
  
(Cut to Luke's Apartment)  
  
Luke: Okay, I'm just going to be up front here. Why did you come back?  
  
Rachel: Why? Not happy to see me?  
  
Luke: Rachel-  
  
Rachel: Fine, fine.(Taks a deep breath) I came back because I had some time off and I wanted to see you.  
  
Luke: Oh, so you're only here for a limited amount of time?  
  
Rachel: Not really . . . my boss is offering me a job that wouldn't have me move all the time. So if I take it, I'll need someplace to live-- permanantley.  
  
(Pause)  
  
Luke: You're moving here?  
  
Rachel: Unless someone tells me otherwise.(Luke smiles and kisses Rachel) Yeah, I'm moving here.  
  
(They both smile and kiss again. When they pull apart, each of them don't know what to say, so they're quiet for a moment.)  
  
Rachel: Wow. Your apartment grew since the last time I was here.  
  
Luke: Yes, the walls grew. They had a growth spurt during your absence.  
  
Rachel: (hits his arm playfully.) You know what I mean. So why the sudden need for more space?  
  
(Just then, Jess walks in.)  
  
Jess: I know you told me to watch the diner, but Kirk left after his cordless phone rang--not cell, cordless. I think it was his mom. Do they have two lines in their house, or does his mom have a c-  
  
(Jess notices Rachel and stops talking.)  
  
Luke: Oh, uh, Jess, this is Rachel. Rachel, my nephew Jess. He's living with me.  
  
Rachel: (Puts out her hand and smiles) Hi.  
  
Jess: (just stares at her) Hi.  
  
(Rachel withdraws her hand and tucks hair behind her ear. There's another long pause.)  
  
Rachel: Um, I left my stuff at Miss Patty's. I'm just going to go over there and get it. Bye. (She kisses Luke and leaves.)  
  
Jess: So, you're finding a replacement for Lorelai so soon? Shouldn't you at least wait until Chris impregnates her again?  
  
Luke: Shut up.  
  
Jess: You're really letting Chris--the man with a baby but no job--win?  
  
Luke: This is not a game.  
  
Jess: But if it was, you'd be losing.  
  
Luke: Lorelai's with Chris, Rachel's moving back here, I'm happy--so drop it!  
  
(Luke starts walking back to the diner)  
  
Jess: Fine, fine. But she's not getting my room.  
  
(Luke slams the door.)  
  
(cut to Stars Hollow library. There's, like, no books in there, but Rory's sitting at a table, all her school books spread out around her. Kirk walks over)  
  
Kirk: Need help finding anything today?  
  
Rory: Oh, no thanks, Kirk. I'm just gonna sit here and study.  
  
Kirk: Why aren't you studying at home, instead of taking up our only study table?  
  
Rory: Oh, well, my sister's at home, and she's a little fussy sometimes.  
  
Kirk: Oh. You want some of my patented 'no baby noise' earplugs? Only two bucks each.  
  
Rory: Uh, that's okay. Good idea, though.  
  
Kirk: I thought so. Well, holler if you need anything. Oh, no, don't holler, it's a library.  
  
Rory: Sure.  
  
(Kirk nods and walks off. Rory goes back to her books. Someone suddenly sits down.)  
  
Dean: (out of breath) Hey.  
  
Rory: (looks up) Dean! What are you doing here?  
  
Dean: (really out of breath. He can hardly talk, so he shrugs) Saw...you...come...in.  
  
Rory: Ah. (goes back to her books, but Dean just sits there, breathing heavily.) You okay?  
  
Dean: (nods) I...ran.  
  
Rory: Why?  
  
Dean: Got...something...to tell...you.  
  
Rory: Oh, really? (closes her book and looks at Dean expectantly) What?  
  
Dean: About...crazy psychic.  
  
Rory: From Woodbury? (Dean nods) What is it? Am I actually gonna be rich and famous?  
  
Dean: (shakes his head) It's about...you and me.  
  
Rory: Oh? What about us? Even though there's not really an 'us' anymore.  
  
Dean: She says...there is.  
  
Rory: There is what?  
  
Dean: An us.  
  
Rory: (snorts) That's ridiculous! There's no us. Not anymore. (opens her book again) I can't believe that you'd even take the word of that stupid Madame Enchilada.  
  
Dean: Madame Fortunata.  
  
Rory: Well, whatever her name is. She's ridiculous and really bad at forseeing anything.  
  
Dean: She knew my name.  
  
Rory: Did you go today? (Dean nods) Were you wearing your nametag? (points at his Doose's market nametag. He shrugs) See? She just randomly spouts whatever drivle you want to hear and then charges you for it.  
  
Dean: It's not drivle! It's true.  
  
Rory: No, it's not, Dean. I'm sorry, but there is and never will be an us again. (gathers her books and shoves them in her backpack) Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go meet my boyfriend. Who is NOT you! (storms out of the library, leaving Dean sitting there and looking forlorn.)  
  
Kirk: (yells) Hey, Rory! Don't yell! It's a library!  
  
(cut to the Gilmore house. Kitchen. Lorelai is handing Gigi and all of her acoutrements to Sookie; Christopher and Jackson are standing off to the side, watching the girls talk)  
  
Lorelai: Now, if she starts to get a little fussy, she's got this bottle. This bottle's for going to sleep, and this one's in case the first fussy bottle runs out. But only after the first fussy bottle.  
  
Sookie: After the first fussy bottle. Got it.  
  
Lorelai: These are the diapers, and she likes it if you powder her.  
  
Sookie: Powder her. Got it.  
  
Lorelai: There are various green toys in the diaper bag, but I've noticed that her newest red-white-black toys are her favorites.  
  
Sookie: Toys with normal colors. Right.  
  
Lorelai: And if you desperately need anything, we'll be here all night.  
  
Sookie: (giggles) I'm pretty sure I've got it under control.  
  
Lorelai: Okay, good. Good luck, sweetie.  
  
Sookie: This is great practice, Lorelai. Thanks.  
  
Lorelai: Oh, it's just a normal double date with me and my daughter.  
  
Sookie: Right. Okay, well, we'll call you if we need anything.  
  
Lorelai: Okay.  
  
Sookie: Have fun.  
  
Lorelai: You too.  
  
Chris: Bye, G. (kisses Gigi on the forehead)  
  
Sookie: (in little baby voice) Bye, Daddy!  
  
Jackson: Aww, that's so sweet. Come on, Sookie, let's go.  
  
Lorelai: Bye!  
  
Sookie: Bye. (Sookie and Jackson leave)  
  
Chris: Well, that was interesting.  
  
Lorelai: What?  
  
Chris: You being so motherly to Gigi.  
  
Lorelai: Well, she needs one. Sherry's certainly not doing a very good job.  
  
Chris: Let's just forget about Sherry.  
  
Lorelai: Mmm, okay.  
  
Chris: So, is this really a double date?  
  
Lorelai: Yeah, pretty much. Why? Worried?  
  
Chris: I still find it a little hard to believe that Rory's dating.  
  
Lorelai: You're behind the times. I've been captivated by her love life for the past three years.  
  
Chris: Well, you've been lucky that way.  
  
Lorelai: Yeah, I have. But hey--at least you're here now.  
  
Chris: That I am. (kisses her. The back door opens and Jess and Rory walk in, holding a movie and pizza)  
  
Rory: Oh! Cease and desist immediately!  
  
Lorelai: (breaking apart from Chris) Uh. Hi.  
  
Rory: Hi. We brought food .  
  
Lorelai: Oh, good, food. (grabs the pizza from Jess and she and Rory walk into the living room)  
  
Chris: (nods) Jess.  
  
Jess: Mr. Hayden.  
  
Chris: Yeah. You wanna go?  
  
Jess: Lead the way. (Chris nods again and walks into the living room. Jess follows him)  
  
Lorelai: There you guys are! We were getting worried.  
  
Chris: We were just-- You know what? I'm not even gonna bother.  
  
Lorelai: You're learning. (gives him a quick kiss. Rory clears her throat) It was chaste. It was chaste, I swear.  
  
Rory: Good. (the guys are confused) We should probably explain.  
  
Lorelai: Yes. We should. You see, we've decided that for tonight--  
  
Rory: Just for tonight. Well, tonight and any other double dates.  
  
Lorelai: Right. We should try to refrian from making out.  
  
Rory: And no really mushy stuff.  
  
Lorelai: Yeah. It'd just be weird.  
  
Rory: I agree.  
  
Lorelai: How about you two?  
  
Chris: Fine by me.  
  
Jess: Doesn't really matter, does it?  
  
Rory: Right.  
  
Lorelai: Should we get started?  
  
Rory: Let's.  
  
Chris: (sitting down on the couch) What movie did you get?  
  
Rory: I know Jess'll be very disappointed, but they were out of "Boys on the Side".  
  
Chris: What's "Boys on the Side"?  
  
Lorelai: Drew Barrymore has a baby and murders her boyfriend, Whoopi Goldberg's the lesbian lawyer who defends her, and Mary-Louise Parker's the girl with HIV who drives 'em cross-country.  
  
Jess: Chick flick.  
  
Chris: Ah.  
  
Rory: Anyway, they were out of "Boys on the Side", so I got--Ta-da!--"Where the Heart is"!  
  
Lorelai: Ooh! That's a good one!  
  
Rory: I know! (Rory sticks the movie in, and she and Lorelai sit down on the floor. They look up at their respective boyfriends)  
  
Lorelai: Chris, what the hell are you doing on the couch? Get DOWN here. (she pulls him off of the couch and he falls down next to her) That's better.  
  
(Rory looks up at Jess and gestures to the floor. He sighs and sits down next to her. She smiles and leans into his shoulder. Then Lorelai opens the pizza box)  
  
Rory: Ooh, pizza! (they dig in)  
  
(Cut to: later in the evening. Chris and Jess are now sitting on the couch. In the movie, Forney and Novalee are sitting in a hotel room)  
  
Novalee: You are the best friend that I've ever had.  
  
Forney: But do you love me?  
  
Lorelai: Say yes!  
  
Rory: Yes! Yes!  
  
(Novalee runs out to her car)  
  
Lorelai: No!  
  
Rory: You're so stupid!  
  
Lorelai: Why would she *do* that? Why would she be that stupid?  
  
Rory: I don't know. (to the screen) Forney loves you! He loves you! You love him too!  
  
Lorelai: She's an idiot.  
  
Rory: I agree.  
  
Jess: (whispering to Chris) Think they're gonna cry again?  
  
Chris: Probably.  
  
Lorelai: Hey! What are you two whispering about?  
  
Jess and Chris at the same time: Nothing.  
  
Lorelai: Yeah, that's believable. (whispering to Rory) They're talking to each other.  
  
Rory: (grins) I know. (they turn back to the movie) Ah! He's leaving!  
  
Lorelai: You know what?  
  
Rory: What?  
  
Lorelai: They're both idiots.  
  
Rory: I hear ya.  
  
(cut to: after the movie. The credits are rolling and Lorelai and Rory are wiping tears from their eyes)  
  
Rory: That movie just gets better and better.  
  
Lorelai: I agree.  
  
Rory: I think the best part was when the tornado-  
  
Lorelai: Oh, and the fornication-  
  
Rory: And the library!  
  
Lorelai: Oh, totally! (they turn to the guys) What did you two think?  
  
Chris: Uh, it was...  
  
Jess: Wonderful.  
  
Chris: Yeah, I loved it.  
  
Lorelai: Yeah, sure you did.  
  
Rory: Mom, we're going to wander around town for a few hours.  
  
Lorelai: Okay, sweetie. Home by ten.  
  
Rory: (slightly whiny) Mom.  
  
Lorelai: Okay, ten-thirty. But you must bear gifts. In the form of chocolate  
  
Rory: Can do. (she and Jess leave)  
  
Chris: Ten-thirty, Lor? Really?  
  
Lorelai: She'll be on time. AND she's bringing home chocolate. I say it's a win-win.  
  
Chris: Are you sure?  
  
Lorelai: Yes, I'm sure. Look, they're only wandering around town. It's not like they'll get lost, and it's *certainly* not like they'll be alone. The entire town's watching out for her.  
  
Chris: Well...okay.  
  
Lorelai: Look at you, being all dad-ish.  
  
Chris: It's my job.  
  
Lorelai: Mmm, it's about time you realized that.  
  
Chris: Yeah. But I have realized it. Twice over.  
  
Lorelai: Oh, speaking of, you wanna go get Gigi?  
  
Chris: Sure.  
  
Lorelai: Let's go. (they leave.)  
  
(Cut to Sookie and Jackson's house. Sookie is giving Gigi a bottle while sitting on the couch. Jackson's sitting next to her.)  
  
Sookie: She's so pretty.  
  
Jackson: Yeah. And she looks so peaceful.  
  
Sookie: Pretty soon, we're gonna have our own little one of these.  
  
Jackson: I can't wait.  
  
Sookie: Yeah, me either. (there's a pause as they watch Gigi drift off to sleep. Suddenly Sookie starts crying)  
  
Jackson: Sookie? Honey, what's wrong?  
  
Sookie: (cyring) We're gonna have one of our own soon!  
  
Jackson: I thought that was a good thing.  
  
Sookie: (crying) It is. It's a really good thing. (laughs) She's just so cute.  
  
Jackson: She really is.  
  
Sookie: (still crying) Excuse me. (hands the baby to Jackson and runs off)  
  
Jackson: Sookie! (looks back at Gigi) Hey, considering the people you live with, you must feel right at home.  
  
(Taylor is standing in front of the "Soda Shoppe", holding onto Ralphy's reins and smiling. People all over town come to check out the new store, and the big horse, Lorelai and Chris among them. )  
  
Babette: Taylor, honey! It's just like the model! And this horse is pretty big too. Morey! Come 'ere! I want you to see this horse!  
  
Taylor: Yes, Babette, Ralphy is quite a grand fellow, isn't he?  
  
Babette: Grand? He's almost as tall as Dean! And we all know how tall HE is.  
  
(Babette starts laughing. Suddenly, a shout is heard among the crowd)  
  
Madame Fortunata: VAW! VAW, is that you? Yes! It's my little VAW-VAW!  
  
(Madame Fortunata runs up to Taylor and starts kissing Ralphy)  
  
Taylor: Excuse me, but Ralphy needs his space. He is the mascot of the "Soda Shoppe", after all.  
  
Madame Fortunata: What are you talking about? This is VAW, and he is the mascot for all the fortune tellers of Woodbury.  
  
Taylor: You must be confusing him with another horse.  
  
Madame Fortunata: No, no. This is VAW. Look at his spots! I'd recognize them anywhere!  
  
Taylor: No offense, Madame, but many horses have spots.  
  
Madame Fortunata: I'm telling you this is him! Look at his horseshoe! It will clearly read,"VAW: Visionarys are Winners."  
  
Taylor: I will not look at a horses foot!  
  
Kirk: (from the crowd) Hoof, Taylor. Horses have hooves.  
  
Taylor: I don't care what it is, I will not lift up this animal's leg.  
  
Andrew: (from the crowd) I'll do it!  
  
Kirk: (moving up front) No! Taylor, I once worked at a ranch. I know how to handle this type of thing.  
  
Miss Patty: (from crowd) What "thing"? All you have to do is lift up his hoof!  
  
Kirk: And I insist it's me who do it.  
  
Taylor: Fine! Check if it makes this crazy woman feel better.  
  
Kirk: I resent that.  
  
Taylor: I was talking about Madame Fortunata.  
  
Madame F: Once you see that he is mine, will I get him back?  
  
Taylor: I want a lawyer present!  
  
The Crowd shouts out: Aw Taylor! That's crazy! Just give her back her horse.  
  
Andrew: Where did you get Ralphy anyway?  
  
Taylor: At a farm, 2 towns over.  
  
Madame Fortunata: VAW has been missing for weeks! I looked for him everywhere. I even made waffles, hoping that he'd smell his way home.  
  
Taylor: He likes waffles?  
  
Madame Fortunata: It's his favourite food.  
  
Taylor: If he IS your horse, than how can you explain him being at a farm 2 towns over?  
  
Madame Fortunata: Simple. Jacques.  
  
Taylor: Jacques?  
  
Madame Fortunata: Without getting into details, he is a very bad man who wants to steal this horse. And I can't say that you look so innocent either, Mr.Doose.  
  
Taylor: I have never stolen anything in my entire life! Why, I was just renting this horse for the grand opening of my store.  
  
Madame Fortunata: Jacques probably wanted to hide him for a while, but I ensure you that this horse is mine.  
  
Taylor: Kirk, what does the horseshoe say?  
  
Kirk: I can't tell . . . something like,"VAV: Vicinies Afi Vihhies."  
  
Andrew: Is that some sort of curse, Madame Fortunata?!  
  
Madame Fortunata: The shoe is dirty. Clean it up and it will be able to read clearly.  
  
Taylor: I will not clean this horse's shoe!  
  
Kirk: I will!  
  
Taylor: No. Never mind. Take the darn thing. I've had enough!  
  
(Taylor stalks away angrily, as Madame Fortunata takes the reins and leads VAW away. The crowd walks away as well.)  
  
Babette: (To Miss Patty) I feel another Town Meeting coming on.  
  
Lorelai: (to Chris) Oh, a town meeting. Have you ever been to one?  
  
Chris: I don't know.  
  
Lorelai: You haven't, cause if you had, you'd know.  
  
Chris: Ah. What about Sookie and Jackson?  
  
Lorelai: (pulling out her cell-phone) That's what the phone is for. (dials a number) Sookie! Hey! Listen, we've got a favor to ask you . . . .  
  
(Cut to Rory and Jess walking on the bridge)  
  
Rory: That was fun, wasn't it?  
  
Jess: It was okay.  
  
Rory: Just okay?  
  
Jess: How good could the date have been, if I couldn't make out with my girlfriend?  
  
(Rory blushes)  
  
Rory: What my mom and I meant was: no kissing in front of each other. So, it's perfectly fine to do it now.  
  
Jess: Nah, I'm good. (Rory pulls Jess in for a long kiss) Well, that did improve it a little bit.  
  
(They sit down on the bridge in a comfortable silence for a while.)  
  
Rory: Do you believe in psychics?  
  
Jess: Nope.  
  
Rory: Soul mates?  
  
Jess: (looks at Rory) A little.  
  
Rory: Oh.  
  
Jess: Why?  
  
Rory: Dean said the weirdest thing today.  
  
Jess: "I'm NOT a crazy, freakishly tall, ex-girlfriend stalker"?  
  
Rory: Ha, no. He went to Woodbury to see that crazy psychic lady.  
  
Jess: The one that just got out of jail?  
  
Rory: Yup.  
  
Jess: Why?  
  
Rory: He said she told him Dean and I were meant for each other, or something.  
  
Jess: Now I see why she's crazy.  
  
Rory: No kidding. So I kind of yelled at him for bothering me with something so trivial and lame, and left.  
  
Jess: Did he follow you?  
  
Rory: (laughing) No.  
  
Jess: At least you got rid of him then. Now he won't follow you around like a love sick puppy.  
  
Rory: Like you?  
  
Jess: (leaning in) Yeah.  
  
(They start kissing. Then making out. On the bridge. Until the last possible minute before Rory had to go home, but then again, they even kissed on the doorstep. They forgot Lorelai's chocolate, but after the town meeting, Lorelai did too.)  
  
(The town meeting is in progress. Luke and Rachel, Chris and Lorelai are there, along with Babette, Taylor, Patty, Kirk, and many other faithful townies. Taylor's standing at the podium, ranting.)  
  
Taylor: And the biggest piece of business is of course, the disappearance of the beloved mascot of the soda shop.  
  
Babette: Taylor, honey, he was only beloved by you.  
  
Taylor: I refuse to believe that, Babette, and so I have put together a small packet of information for you. Kirk. (Kirk stands in front of the podium) Exhibit A.  
  
Lorelai: (whispering to Chris) I think Taylor's been watching a little too much 'Practice.'  
  
Chris: Or 'Chicago.'  
  
(Lorelai laughs as Kirk holds up a picture of the horse)  
  
Taylor: Ralphy, our town's newest addition. Stolen by Exhibit B, (Kirk holds up a picture of Madame Fortunata) Woodbury's resident crazy psychic, who seems to believe that Ralphy is hers and was stolen by...(Kirk holds up a poster with the word "Jacques" written on it) Jacques. (covers the microphone with his hand and hisses to Kirk) Kirk, we were supposed to have a picture.  
  
Kirk: (shrugs) The only person who's ever seen him is Madame Fortunata, and you told me I couldn't talk to her.  
  
Taylor: (sighs) Fine. Anyway, the horse was stolen by the crazy psychic lady, who works at Exhibit C. Or was it D? (Kirk holds up a picture of Madame Fortunata's tent) We must get the horse back, people of Stars Hollow! Or else this picture (Kirk holds up a picture of the model of the soda shop, complete with a model Ralphy) will never become a reality.  
  
Chris: (to Lorelai) Man, that's a big horse.  
  
Lorelai: Mmm, you have no idea.  
  
Bootsy: Is Jackson still in the model?  
  
Taylor: Does it matter? We're just looking for Ralphy!  
  
Kirk: (staring at the picture) Yeah, he's right here, Bootsy.  
  
Taylor: People! Let's focus on the big picture!  
  
Kirk: Uh, this isn't the big picture, Taylor. The big picture's the one with you and the cutout of Shakira dancing.  
  
(Everyone laughs as Taylor blushes)  
  
Taylor: No, that didn't actually happen. Kirk's just joking.  
  
Kirk: No, I'm not. It happened, just like that Pepsi commercial. As a matter of fact, I happen to have the picture right-  
  
Taylor: (grabbing the poster from Kirk's hands and hiding it behind his back) Meeting adjourned! You can all go home! (runs away)  
  
Patty: Oh, come on, Taylor!  
  
Babette: Poor guy.  
  
Lorelai: He's so sensitive these days.  
  
Chris: He's probably just mad that he's reenacting a Pepsi commercial.  
  
Lorelai: Yeah, I would have thought he'd be much more upscale.  
  
Chris: Like Dr. Pepper.  
  
Lorelai: Oh, but dancing the Tango with Garth Brooks isn't nearly as enjoyable.  
  
(cut to Luke and Rachel)  
  
Rachel: I have certainly missed these town meetings.  
  
Luke: Is that the only thing you missed?  
  
Rachel: No. I apparently missed the new soda shop mascot, along with the new soda shop.  
  
Luke: And?  
  
Rachel: Oh, I think that's it. (smiles at him) Of course I missed you.  
  
Luke: I thought so. (leans in to kiss her)  
  
Rachel: You make the best cheeseburgers this side of the Pacific. (Luke sighs)  
  
(cut back to Lorelai and Chris)  
  
Lorelai: I think you've ruined me.  
  
Chris: What makes you say that?  
  
Lorelai: I think I'm suffering from 'baby withdrawal.'  
  
Chris: My baby?  
  
Lorelai: Your baby.  
  
Chris: (smiles) Wow.  
  
Lorelai: Yeah. Apparently we're more like a family than we originally thought.  
  
Chris: Oh, completely.  
  
Lorelai: Shall we?  
  
Chris: Let's.  
  
(They get up and walk outside. Somehow they start walking next to Luke and Rachel)  
  
Chris: I tell you, this entire town's crazy.  
  
Rachel: Hear, hear.  
  
Chris: They called an entire town meeting about a missing horse.  
  
Rachel: That was actually stolen.  
  
Chris: Really?  
  
Rachel: Mm-hmm.  
  
Chris: Well, that's just crazier.  
  
Rachel: Yep. But it's still really loveable.  
  
(They are suddenly interrupted as the "Mission: Impossible" theme starts blaring from a nearby boombox. Kirk, dressed entirely in black and practically crouching on the ground, makes his way through the center of town, humming along to the song, every once in a while muttering something about finding a horse for Taylor. He crouches his way off of the screen, and soon the town troubadour runs after him, carrying a boombox over his head. The foursome watch this entire scene go by and then Chris turns back to Rachel)  
  
Chris: *Completely* loveable. (they smile, and then Chris turns to Lorelai) Ready to pick up GiGi? I hope Sookie's okay with her staying longer than expected. I still can't believe town meetings can be called that spontaneously.  
  
Lorelai: Chris, this is Stars Hollow. This is TAYLOR.  
  
Chris: Yeah, I guess anything's possible with Taylor. It's getting cold out, want to borrow my jac- where's my jacket? Hold on, I think I left it inside.  
  
(We see Kirk--still dressed in his Mission: Impossible outfit--just finish locking the doors when Chris comes. They start a conversation, but Kirk just keeps shaking his head.)  
  
Luke: It's getting cold, want to use my jacket?  
  
Lorelai: Wel-  
  
Rachel: No, it's okay, I have my own. Besides, yours would clash with my outfit. (She smiles but notices she doesn't have her coat.) Hold on, I'll be right back!  
  
(We see her run back to the building where Chris is waving his hands at Kirk. When Rachel comes, they both start arguing with Kirk.)  
  
Lorelai: I guess we're just going to forget about the kiss, then.  
  
Luke: It was forgotten when Chris came.  
  
Lorelai: Yeah, I guess.  
  
(pause)  
  
Luke and Lorelai at the same time: I'm sorry.  
  
Luke and Lorelai at the same time: For what?  
  
Luke: For saying all that crap to you. Forget I ever said it.  
  
Lorelai: For kissing you and then getting back together with Chris.  
  
(They stare at each other for a long time; to let the information sink in.)  
  
Lorelai: You take back what you said? So we're . . .  
  
Luke: I mean, Rachel and I- we're still together. I just meant; forget all the mean things I said to you.  
  
Lorelai: Oh. And, Chris and me, we're still together. I'm just sorry for hurting you, or I guess not, anymore, to be with him.  
  
Luke: Yeah.  
  
(Another long pause)  
  
Lorelai: So where's she staying? Because I have some rooms in the inn-  
  
Luke: She'll be staying with me and Jess.  
  
Lorelai: Oh.  
  
Luke: It's not any different than what Chris is doing; staying with you and Rory.  
  
Lorelai: Actually, it is.  
  
Luke: Really.  
  
Lorelai: Yes. See, Chris has a baby, and I wouldn't trust him alone with her in a hotel room. She really does, uh, stink sometimes, and I guess neither he or Sherry knew how to change diapers.  
  
Luke: I see.  
  
Lorelai: So--is everything back to normal between us?  
  
Luke: Do you mean; are we friends again? I don't see why not.  
  
Lorelai: Good. I mean, what would I do without your food?  
  
Luke: Live healthy?  
  
Lorelai: Live a long, healthy, BORING life.  
  
Luke: As opposed to short, diabetic, exciting one?  
  
Lorelai: Now you've got it. So I'll get danishes tomorrow?  
  
Luke: Yup.  
  
Lorelai: And burgers?  
  
Luke: You need SOMETHING to clog your arteries.  
  
Lorelai: And coffee?  
  
Luke: De-caf .  
  
(They smile at each other and turn around to look at Chris and Rachel who are now wrestling Kirk for the keys. Kirk gets them and holds them above his head. Chris and Rachel share a look and then lunge toward Kirk. The screen freezes and goes black and white, and Kirk runs off. Then he runs up to the camera, humming the theme from Rocky as loud as he can to go over the twilight zone theme. He jogs in place for a few seconds, holding the keys above his head and humming. Finally he lowers his arm.)  
  
Kirk: I won! I won! I won! Okay, questions. How will Chris and Rachel get their jackets? Hmm? How can they get their jackets when I have the keys! (holds the keys above his head for a few more seconds) Sorry. So, Luke and Lorelai are going to be friends. How long's that gonna last? Sookie cried. Why? Is she just crazy, like Jackson said? Lorelai's got baby withdrawal. Uh-oh. That can only be trouble. Or can it? Rory and Jess: cute as always. But Rory and Lorelai: Crybabies. What's that about? Dean visited Madame Fortunata. Is her story about Rory going to come true? Or is she just crazy? Rachel showed up. What's gonna happen there? Is Jess ever gonna warm up to her? Is she gonna stay this time? Ralphy disappeared. Am I gonna be able to find him? Is Taylor going to kill me? These questions might possibly be answered in the next installment of "The G--" (Kirk notices the keys in his hands. After a second's thought, he raises his arms above his head) The next installment of "The Outer Limits of The Kirk Zone!" Whoo- hoo! (runs off, humming the theme from Rocky. He fades off and we can hear the twilight zone theme, and then the town troubadour runs through, holding the boombox over his head that's blaring the mission: impossible theme.) 


End file.
